The Activist Parent

For me, one of the great pleasures from Blogging for LGBT Families Day has been reading posts that make me think. Matt over at The Q-Triad Blog wrote something that seems particularly appropriate today, as all the major (and many minor) American LGBT Web sites are urging us to contact our senators and stop the Federal Marriage Amendment.

Matt, who is not a parent, writes:

I can imagine that many LGBT families don’t have the time that I might have or other activists might have in order to play the political game and do all that activist-type things. I can imagine, from my experience of seeing my mom, that many LGBT parents are too busy taking care of their kids – feeding them, clothing them, taking them to and from school, extra-curriculars and sports – in order to take time off to go to dinners of LGBT advocacy groups or go to lobby days or go pimping out a petition to their local or state governments. I can imagine that thoughts and notions of equality and justice are secondary in the minds of many LGBT parents and that their partners and children are always first. . . .

The only thing I worry about, especially since I am now heading up a (small, but growing) advocacy group, is if these activists and groups are missing a very important and vital part of the LGBT and allied community? Are we hearing the voices of LGBT families and parents, or are we too busy with our jobs and families too busy with their family life to even cross paths?

It’s a good question. I’ll answer for myself, but urge you to leave comments here or on Matt’s blog with your own thoughts.

My own activism has indeed shifted since I became a parent. Now that I am staying home with my son, I no longer lead an LGBT network of over 200 corporate employees. I attend fundraising dinners less often. My partner and I have continued to contribute money to several groups, although the amount has shrunk now that we’re on a single income and funding a college-savings account. I still e-mail my elected officials, but am even more grateful for the online forms that make this quick and easy.

I’ve also added some activism since becoming a mom. I maintain this blog, and sometimes pester my readers about writing to their elected officials. I also go to local, non-LGBT children’s activities with my son. Those who meet him are charmed (parental bias, I know), and once they find out I’m a lesbian, they’re stuck with the image of a happy, cared-for child in a lesbian home. It’s a kind of quiet activism to gain the support of the unbiased but unknowing, as I’ve written before. Sacha at Babycakes said much the same thing in her Blogging for LGBT Families Day entry:

We will continue to challenge a society that has become complacent and accepting of only one version of family as the norm. We will do this by being out and proud, by being mom and mom, by being on boards and going to PTA meetings. This is quiet activism, and quiet activism works.

I would modify Matt’s speculation that “thoughts and notions of equality and justice are secondary in the minds of many LGBT parents and that their partners and children are always first.” I would say that the daily safety, care, and feeding of my family comes first as a matter of practicality, but that equality and justice have become even more important now that they also affect the well-being of my son. My activism has changed, yes. I may not go to the Pride Parade if it’s during naptime. But ceasing to help build the world I want my son to live in means failing as a parent.

Matt asks a good question, though, when he asks whether LGBT advocacy groups are missing out on parents’ voices. Is there a gap here? If so, do we need to fill it, or should parents do what they can from home (donations, e-mails) and let those with more time do the phone banks and door knocking? Are there things we can do to bring the groups together, like having more childcare volunteers at the LGBT community center during voter-mobilization night? Or are parents really still involved? Your thoughts?