Marriage and Parenthood: Changing Attitudes

Children are viewed as less central to marriage today, although they are still one of the highest sources of personal fulfillment, according to a new national survey by the Pew Research Center. (Thanks, WaPo.) Today, by almost three-to-one, Americans say the main purpose of marriage is the “mutual happiness and fulfillment” of adults rather than the “bearing and raising of children.” Children now rank eighth out of nine on a list of things associated with successful marriages, behind “sharing household chores,” among other things. In 1990, a similar survey found that children ranked third. Additionally, the number of those who do not marry, even with children, is on the rise: about half of all nonmarital births today are to a cohabiting couple, vs. one third 15 years ago.

Kind of blows the whole “marriage is for procreation therefore same-sex partners who cannot between themselves procreate should not marry” argument out of the water. Redefining marriage? That’s been done for us by the straight majority.

In fact, two major media pieces last week used same-sex parents to make the connection between parenting and marriage. The Economist, in an article on same-sex parents, said: “Ohio is one of 26 states with a recent constitutional amendment barring same-sex marriage. [Gay dad Mark Strasser] wonders whether a public school would recognise that his children have two fathers, or if a hospital would allow both of them to visit if one of their children fell ill.” CNN, in an article on adoption by same-sex couples, gave the example: “Paula Prettyman’s partner, Kelly Schlageter, used a sperm donor and gave birth to twin girls about six months ago. But Prettyman cannot adopt them because of a Virginia law that prohibits second-parent adoption unless the couple is married.”

Not that every same-sex couple wants to have children, or even marry, or both. Most of us would also agree that the main purpose of marriage is the “mutual happiness and fulfillment” of adults rather than the raising of children. Yet here we are, so many of us, jumping up and down waving our arms to raise children from within the institution of marriage, while others bemoan that fewer and fewer people are doing so. Hello?

The Pew study also looked specifically at attitudes towards same-sex marriage and parenting:

• 57% oppose same-sex marriage, up from 51% in March of 2006, but about the same as in 2003 and 2004. 32% favor it.
• Those most likely to oppose it include men, older adults (ages 50 and above), the less educated (high school or less), Protestants (particularly white evangelicals), and regular church attendees (weekly or more).
• Democrats oppose it 48% to 42%, while Republicans oppose it 78% to 14%.
• Public opposition to same-sex civil unions stands at 46% vs. 45%, the lowest level of support since October 2003.
• 50% of the public says same-sex parents are bad for society, vs. 34% who say it doesn’t make much difference and 11% say it is good for society.
• 59% of men, but only 42% of women say same-sex parenting is bad for society. This indicates a decreasing percentage of women who say it is bad, an across-the-board drop regardless of age, education and marital status.

This compares to a recent New York Times/CBS News/MTV poll of Americans ages 17 to 29, which found that 44% supported same-sex marriage, vs. 28% of the general public, and a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll that found 24% of the public favor of same-sex marriage, 27% prefer civil unions, and 43% oppose either. On the legal right of same-sex couples to adopt children, CNN/ORC found 57% in favor and 40% opposed.

I could break out the statistics jokes right now, but on the whole, the trend seems to be going our way, even if there is still a long way to go. As the Economist put it, opponents of LGBT rights are “howling at the incoming tide.”