How to Welcome an LGBT Family

My son and I went to his first Music Together class in our new area today. We’d done Music Together for over two years before we moved, and I knew it was a program I wanted to continue. Not only did we have a fabulous teacher back in New York, but I liked the pedagogy behind the program—basic musical building blocks like rhythm and pitch hidden beneath a layer of fun, with music from various styles and cultures.

I filled out the registration form for our new class, and put both my name and my partner’s on the “Parents” line. The teacher read over the form, and in a perfectly neutral tone, asked, “Is this your partner?”

I said yes, and then she asked, “Are you okay when I use ‘daddy’ in some of the songs?”

I told her my son knew some people had daddies, so there was no need to avoid the word, but explained that in our household, I’m “Mommy” and my partner is “Momma.” She repeated “Mommy and Momma” back to me, just as one would repeat someone’s name upon being introduced, filing it away for reference. We then moved on to discuss payment for the semester.

It was a perfect example of how to welcome an LGBT family, I thought. Use the proper terminology: “partner” as a never-offensive starting point. Ask considerately, without hemming and hawing, if you are unsure how something might be construed. Don’t avoid the fact of a same-sex family, if it’s relevant, but don’t make a Big Deal of it. Don’t try too hard to show you’re cool by trying to chat me up about my opinions on Rosie O’Donnell or Mary Cheney. Don’t ask nosy questions about family creation upon first meeting. (As a general principle, I’m delighted to share the story of our family creation, and to offer my opinions on any number of LGBT celebrities, but prefer not to do so if the questions seem prurient or forced.)

Our Music Together teacher in New York was similarly welcoming. I can’t vouch for all teachers in this nationwide-program, but will note that the overall organization seems to have had some product-placement deal with The L Word, as I wrote before. If you’re looking for a welcoming music program for infants to preschoolers, at least give it a try. Use the Class Locator on their site to find a teacher near you. Most offer free demo classes of some sort. (I’m not affiliated with Music Together or in any way getting paid to promote them—just a satisfied parent.)