R Family Cruise: It’s Not About the Destination

(Originally published in Bay Windows, Family Week Supplement, July 26, 2007.)

R Family Vacations, profiled in the HBO documentary All Aboard: Rosie’s Family Cruise, caught some flak (but also some praise) earlier this year when they removed Bermuda from their July cruise. A group of protesters had threatened to meet the ship, and R Family felt that parents who did not want to expose their children to this should not have to do so. During the cruise, from which I write, the ship had to change itinerary again because of engine trouble, heading back to New York City a day early and spending less time on the scheduled private island. The vast majority of families on board seem to be taking it in stride. For many of us, the point of the week is to spend it with other LGBT families and friends, and the location is secondary. The ship is, above all, a safe space for our children, where having LGBT parents is the norm, where having parents of a different race is not uncommon, and where there are that many fewer reasons to fear bullying or harassment.

There is a sense of community here that non-LGBT cruises would find it hard to match, no matter where they went. Even those of us who live near other LGBT families revel in the sense of camaraderie and cooperation among so many. Passenger and former Massachusetts State Sen. Cheryl Jacques explains “There is a magic to the week. People have talked about how it takes a village to raise a child. Here’s the village. The village takes care of everyone’s kids.”

Jacques is on the ship with her two sons and her wife Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of the Family Pride Coalition. Family Pride has joined with R Family to provide the educational content for the cruise, including workshops for parents on starting and protecting our families and discussions for those with one or more LGBT parents. For those who want to learn, there is much to absorb.

This is a vacation, though, and there are also parties, film screenings, and a plethora of singers and comedians, from Rosie to the New York Gay Men’s Chorus to Sandra Bernhard. In addition, there is plenty to do of a non-LGBT nature, with shore excursions to Disney, Universal Studios, the Kennedy Space Center, and various natural wonders, as well as onboard bingo, the “R Mazing Race” contest, and spa treatments.

For kids, there are some activities one won’t find on other cruises, like the Family Pride children’s workshops and readings of LGBT-positive children’s books. Most of the children’s programming, however, is generic “kids’ stuff,” albeit in an inclusive environment. The teens mostly do their own thing, at times floating through the cafeteria to grab sustenance or materializing for a writing or music workshop. The youngest tots have a playroom full of toys and games. Those in the middling years can go to the video arcade, attend an acting or cooking workshop, or just hang out at the pool. Throughout the day, performers hold kid-friendly concerts for all ages. Parents of those under 12 can also gain a little peace and quiet by dropping their children off at the Kids’ Crew camp, staffed by the ship’s childcare professionals.

This cruise also shows the market power of the LGBT community — LGBT families in particular. The number of free giveaways has been overwhelming. The usual LGBT corporate suspects are here, including the Advocate and LOGO, plus companies known for their LGBT sponsorships, such as American Airlines, Coors, Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams, and Volvo. Beyond that, however, are firms like Alex Toys, Cranium, Melissa & Doug and Playmobil, who donated items for the kids’ playroom. Corporations have in many cases led the way in recognizing and providing benefits for LGBT families; it is a good sign if more want to give us money and resources. Yes, they want our business, but in return we can make sure they support LGBT-positive legislation and sponsor LGBT advocacy groups.

Do we risk losing a sense of LGBT culture, though, as mainstream marketers target us and we settle down into middle-American family life? I think not. This more “mainstream” LGBT lifestyle has in fact coexisted for some time with the more “blatant” aspects of LGBT culture, even if it has not been as visible. The line between the two is also not as sharp as some might make it seem. The Economist recently asserted “gay life is becoming more suburban, contented, and even dull.” It is true that young, urban, male culture no longer defines LGBT life. It is wrong, however, to imply we are losing our LGBT cultural distinctiveness in the process. As I sit here writing this column, families mill about dressed for “Fairy Tale” theme night on board. There is the usual bevy of girls in pink ballgowns and boys wielding plastic swords. It could be Halloween in suburbia — but then two dads walk by wearing pink bandannas and matching t-shirts that proclaim “Pirate Princess.” Contented, yes. Dull, never.

(Disclosure: I was invited by the Family Pride Coalition to give a seminar on blogging and online activism during the R Family cruise.

Further reading: Ben Finzel of the FH Out Front Blog, in his post on Family Week in Provincetown, also talks about community and marketing to LGBT families.)