There’s a new online registry for donor-conceived children, their parents, and sperm, egg, or embryo donors to find each other. Donor Offspring Matches (DOM) has just launched as an alternative to the older Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). DOM has one advantage over DSR, though: it is free, whereas DSR charges $40 per year. Is this a worthwhile bargain? It remains to be seen.
DOM, brand new, doesn’t not have the track record nor the member base of DSR. I noticed that it makes members’ e-mail addresses available to the public, whereas DSR limits such information to registered members, and it does not yet have a stated privacy policy on its site. I therefore wrote to its founder, Rosanna, to ask about the service. She says that for technical reasons, the site went public and word spread before some pieces, like the privacy policy, were in place. She also claims the public e-mail addresses are by user request, although that may change in the future. She adds that DOM will never share any information other than what members make public, and will not sell or share it with third parties. Below is her full e-mail to me, republished with permission.
For the moment, this is neither a recommendation for nor against DOM, merely information. If DOM proves itself reliable, builds its member base, and expands the range of options available to parents, donors, and their offspring, however, then it could become a welcome addition to this community. As always, investigate all such services thoroughly, and consider what finding a match (or not finding one) will mean to you and your family.
Hello Dana,
Thank you for your email.
Our privacy policy is no information will be used for any other purpose than the registry. We will not provide any information to anyone other than the information the person who registers states they want public. We do not use the email address to email you or contact you in anyway. We will never sell the information or provide it to any 3rd party. A more ‘formal’ privacy policy will be on the site shortly. My discussion forum had to go public when it was established (a few days ago) and people have been finding the site before I intended it to be ready. It has kind of had me spinning to get it together quickly because word is getting out and I’m getting swamped already by registries. In fact, we already have a few matches to show. All in only 3 days.
In terms of the email addresses, that very well may change in the near future. I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from people who say they want it this way. Personally I am the one who has felt a little ‘odd’ about it per se but I’ve had numerous requests to have it there. I have it this way now and advise that people use a email address such as hotmail, gmail etc.
I am a mother of 2 DI boys. This is not something new to me. I have tossed the idea around for several years. I host a Lesbians Moms Group where I live and this is a very regular topic. I also host a mom’s group (mostly hetero) In addition to this, I have been very active in the infertility world for approx. 15 years. VERYactive. I have many personal friends who have both been egg donors as well as have utilized egg donors. Again, it is a topic that has sparked countless discussions over the years with heterosexual couples who have had to utilize donors and from the donor friends I have.
I have nothing but great respect for DSR. This is not meant to be a ‘competition’ against them. Their goal appears to be changing legislation as well as helping create matches. I’m not there yet. I’m more for giving a place where EVERYONE can register. EVERYONE can benefit-not just those who can pay $40 per year. Again, I understand she puts a lot of time, energy and focus into her group and I respect that. I can completely understand the need to charge members to maintain her expenses. I, however, am in a position where I can financially afford to maintain this group and I wish to do this. I am constantly hearing people complain about having to pay. This isn’t meant to put her down, to put her site down, to put her knowledge and ability down. It is merely trying to provide another forum for people to find a match. I have received a couple of emails from people pretty angry that I’m ‘copying’ her or I’m disgracing her. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is not intent to go ‘against’ her and I will never be caught putting her efforts down. Thankfully I have received many more with people thanking me. And this is only a few days into it. I have to believe that I am creating something that people desire and want. I hear that from the people I am in contact with and have bounced things off and I’m hearing it now from the world wide web nameless faces.
One thing that has stayed with me month after month, year after year as I speak to people is how many people I have heard say ‘I would register but I’m not paying $40 a year for something that may never happen.’ I have a 6 yr old son. His donor is unknown, anonymous. I would love to find his donor and/or a ½ sibling. I think of how many people I’ve heard say this over the years and I wonder is there a match for him from one of those people who ‘would register’?
I have listened over the years to other parents in both the Lesbian world and the infertility world and want to try to bring together suggestions, ideas and wishes into one site. As any new site will have, there will be bumps along the way but I welcome them.
What are my strengths vs DSR. That is a difficult question because I have not been actively working at this for years so obviously her knowledge base on the legal issues is much larger.. I don’t claim to have her knowledge. I don’t claim to have all the answers. However, that is not my focus of this group. My focus is to give a forum where connections can be made. A forum where discussions can be had. A forum where people can come together and discuss. I like the fact that my site offers everything within one site. We will have the forum that can be expanded very large. We have a photo gallery that people can use to post photos. It isn’t bouncing back and forth. I see that as a real + for our site and a factor that many people will enjoy.
I see the fact that our site is free as a real attractive feature. It allows EVERYONE who wishes to participate. My mind always goes back to the children. I want donor children to have the ability to find their siblings/donors if they choose (18+). How many 18 yr olds can just plop down $40 each year? I can see this being a challenge for kids. I want the donor children’s voice to be heard above anyone else’s.
Understand, my desire to do this is both real and important to me. I will give this my best effort to succeed and am willing to take comments/suggestions from anyone.
Thank you and please let me know if I can answer any more questions.
Rosanna
Bravo to Rosanna! I, too, created another website where people can share information and potentially find matches. http://www.DonorOffspringHealth.com provides a place where people can share health information with siblings, with the donor, with offspring, or with anyone considering a potential donor. It is also FREE. It’s great to see more opportunities for people to find each other in a free and uncensored community. I’ll tell my friends and contacts! -Leann
http://www.DonorOffspringHealth.com
I have permission from Wendy Kramer to post the following blog entry, it is copy and pasted from her blog on the DSR. These other sites are just going to cause more harm than good. Rosanna and LeAnn need to read this and pay attention. I do have a question for Rosanna, as she states she is in the financial position to make a new website and not charge a fee. Why not contribute to the DSR, an already established and growing website instead, and her contributions can pay the $40 fee for some of those who either can’t pay or don’t want to? Or maybe even make it possible to reduce that fee for all, if she can contribute enough? I haven’t asked Wendy about this (these are my thoughts), but it is something to ponder. This is on Wendy’s blog:
Donor Sibling Registry “Copycat” Sites- A Dis-service to Donor Families Searching
March 25th, 2008
Over the past several months there have been a couple of Donor Sibling Registry “copycat” sites. These sites offer some of the same capabilities that the DSR has offered for years. Both sites initially swiped our entire clinic list which took 7 years and hundreds of members to assemble and one that I know of emailed DSR members without permission (lots of angry DSR members).
There are repercussions of creating these new small DSR types of sites. They dilute what has been a single focused searching capability. I hear all the time from adopted people who wish they they too only had one source to search at. The more “registries” the less likely people are to find one another. When pressed on this, these sites responded with messages like “the more the merrier.” These people haven’t a clue.
From Bill Cordray, one of the most outspoken donor conceived people in the US: “I think it is a bad idea to undermine the reputation of Wendy’s work by setting up a competitive registry. Although it’s a free Internet and you can do what you want, it will just weaken the value of DSR if several similar registries are set up and you’d have to go to all of them to do any cross-checking. As far as the fee goes, it is more than reasonable.”
Creating more “donor sibling registries” only does a dis-service to donor families around the world. If the focus is taken off of us, it makes it harder for people to know where to post themselves so that they have the best chances for being found. Ultimately, people will not have the chance to connect that they have now, through the DSR. These new sites boast that they are free. Well, it’s easy to be free while you have a few dozen members. We were also free for the first five years of operation. When we hit more than 7000 members, it became clear that I would need help from members to continue growing. We grew into much more than a yahoo group, or simple database. No one is denied membership for financial hardship, and site site is still free for browsing. The $40 membership fee is only for people wanting to post their information or make contact.
The sperm donation industry is having a meeting on March 28th of this month. In their announcement letter, the fact that there are “registries” gave them license to minimize what the DSR has accomplished: “These lay registries have emerged without public discourse, public accountability, multidisciplinary expertise, uniformity or oversight.” The more “registries” the more it takes away from the thousands of people we have helped and the important work that we have accomplished in educating, connecting and supporting donor families.
Oh, for heaven’s sakes.
I understand that Wendy Kramer wants to protect her revenue stream, but complaining about competition is not the way to do it. Either her service is worth $40 or it’s not. Demanding that she be allowed a monopoly is ridiculous.
Kudos to Rosanna. If she can make it sustain itself or pay (via ads or something) then good for her. If the industry can fund a central registry site, even better (they’ve got plenty of money, at least plenty of MY money).
DSR will have to adapt or perish, and that’s just the way of the world. Complaining about competition is unattractive and amateurish.
-P.S. I have no connection to any services or sites, just a DI mom looking at the alternatives.
Wendy’s site is actually $50!
I see no reason to pay $50 for access to the site, why should she profit off other people’s information?