(Originally published in Bay Windows, June 17, 2009.)
Disney Pixar’s new animated feature, Up, is a good movie, better than most children’s fare. My kindergartener and I both enjoyed it—but it left me with a few lingering qualms about its depiction of parenting and gender roles.
The story revolves around 78-year-old Carl Fredricksen, who is determined to see to his deceased wife’s last wish and move their house to an idyllic locale in South America. He does so with the aid of thousands of helium balloons and an accidental stowaway named Russell, a young boy who is working on his Wilderness Explorer “Assisting the Elderly” badge.
The film tackles more serious topics than previous Pixar films. The opening sequence shows Carl and his wife-to-be Ellie from their first meeting as young children through their falling in love, marriage, and growing old together. It is a perfect balance of humor and pathos. The couple’s struggle and ultimate failure to have children will touch people of all orientations who have gone through this process. Carl’s personal challenge to find meaning in his life after Ellie’s death is a tearjerker of the first order, although it seemed to affect the adults in the audience more than the kids. The kids will likely prefer the parts that show Carl and Russell’s adventurous trip to South America, complete with flying house, talking dogs, mysterious birds, and fantastical chase scenes.
While the film is a fun romp tempered with a few serious themes, and well deserving of most of its glowing reviews, it still has some obvious flaws. Linda Holmes of NPR has already written about wanting Pixar to make a story with a girl protagonist, and one who, unlike her Disney compatriots, is not a princess. Carl’s wife Ellie is as spunky and independent and non-princess-y a heroine as one could imagine, but she is seen only in passing and disappears after the opening segment.
I agree, but would add to Holmes’ critique the parental stereotypes perpetrated by the film. Russell’s parents are divorced. He lives with his mother and bemoans the lack of time his dad has to spend with him. Fair enough. What irks me, however, is the scene in which Carl discovers that Russell, for all his Wilderness Explorer training, does not know how to pitch a tent. Carl blames Russell’s dad for not teaching him.
Really? What makes Carl, married to the adventurous zookeeper Ellie for decades, think that Russell’s mom has no idea how to put up a tent? What makes him so sure his dad does? Even though the Pixar writers were able to make Ellie an independent, capable, non-traditional woman, they fall back into gender stereotypes when it comes to what parents teach their kids.
The fact is, many a mom—LGBT or not—can put up a tent or throw a softball. Many if not most dads can cook and sew on a button. When one looks at LGBT parents, furthermore, the range of non-gender-typical talents is often even wider. No one can assume a child will or won’t be able to learn certain skills just by looking at the gender of his or her parents.
I would be the last person, however, to say that male role models are unnecessary for my son, That’s not because my spouse and I can’t teach him to put up a tent, or throw a baseball, or build a birdhouse. What I want male role models for are to show my son the many things it means to be a man. It is less about specific skills—which are, with a few exceptions (e.g., facial shaving), non-gender-specific in this day and age—and more about showing him that someone of his gender can do a wide range of things.
It is even more about the abstract skills—showing him that someone of his gender can be tough, daring, and protective, but also nurturing, kind, artistic, and much more. It is then up to him to choose how he wants to express his own individual version of manhood.
For children of opposite-sex parents, the father often becomes the primary male role model, and the mother the primary female one. Same-sex or single parents, however, reach out to relatives, friends, teachers, coaches, and/or religious leaders, not to mention involved donors, surrogates, or birth parents. The few academic studies that have been done on lesbian families, for example, indicate that lesbian moms provide even more male role models, in more diverse ways, than do non-LGBT parents. Even allowing for some margin of error, there seems to be no evidence that children of same-sex parents are missing out on positive role models of the opposite gender as their parents.
Same-sex families are also not the only ones to have to reach out beyond the parents for role models, however, as Up indicates—and that is one positive message the movie does convey. Carl even pins on Russell’s new badge when his real father doesn’t appear at the ceremony.
The film thus gives us both a childless opposite-sex couple and a boy whose main male role model is not his father. Although those situations cause the characters some sorrow, Carl, Ellie, and Russell each move beyond them and discover happiness in other ways. By breaking the automatic assumptions that a happy marriage equals kids and a happy boy must have an involved biological father, Up does push the envelope a little bit to show us a few more of the many meanings of family. If Pixar’s next film could do so without the unfortunate lapse into gender stereotypes, then they’d really have something that rises above.
Ok if that’s how YOU see that. then it’s your opinion. Funny just reading your comment on the issue makes me wonder is it better to dwell on the LACK of relationship with the father or to dwell on the fact that the boy DOES have a male role model after all, however grudgingly, oddly acquired or whatever you wanna call it. Carl’s acknowledgment of the fact can be seen as anything you want it to. However you want to see it. Can’t wait to see the movie btw, but we have to wait til it comes out on video, bummer. -s who DOES pitch a better tent then her hubby, it’s a magic thing called patience baby!
Maybe I wasn’t clear. My point was indeed what you said–that the boy does have a male role model. I don’t think I was dwelling on his lack of a relationship with his father, except to make the point that children without fathers (or without involved fathers) can indeed find male role models elsewhere, as you say. (Which is not to say that fathers should abandon their children–if a child has a father to begin with, then it is generally best if the father remains involved (cases of abuse and neglect excepted)–but the lack of a father (whether from divorce, as in Russell’s case, or because the child has two moms or a single mom) doesn’t necessarily mean the child will have no good male role models.)
Dana- I’ve been following your posts on Facebook and my partner and I enjoy your perspective on a great many topics.
I agree that Disney is coming along, albeit slowly, from the days when all the princesses had fathers, but NO mothers. Belle, Jasmine, Cinderella, etc. Honestly, it’s refreshing to see their male counterparts in a similar situation.
Perhaps a solution to the ‘tent-dilemma’ should’ve been Carl remarking about his lack of tent raising knowledge in general and avoiding whether it was Russel’s mother or father that did the teaching. Or lack thereof.
I find it interesting that you post about this as my partner and I were just camping over the July 4th weekend and are excited about taking our 2 toddler daughters.
And as you said, it matters not whether the activity is camping, ballet, cooking, or karate. What matters is that we’re involved with our children’s lives in all aspects be it traditionally male, female, etc.
Thanks again for your perspective.
Personally I believe that the whole tent thing isn’t really something to dwell on too much. The fact of the matter is that when people talk about male scouting matters, most people tend to think “father helping son”. Times are changing though, so we’ll see if that’s the case ten years in the future. Another point to mention is that the mention of the boy’s father moves helped move the story further and thus was important.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Pixar isn’t purposely trying to be discriminatory, but rather both realistic and plot driven. Most people would have this point roll straight over their heads anyways. I don’t think people (kids and adults) who don’t fit in gender norms will suddenly feel left out, after all, Ellie was defiantly a character that was a typical housewife.
I honestly think it’s not that big of a deal.
I love Pixar’s work in general, but I think that films and TV shows often get stuck in old-fashioned storytelling conventions.
I get a little angry whenever I see the old story of “a boy needs a father” in any form, even though the research contradicts the old story. Boys and girls need men and women in their lives, period.
Haven’t seen “Up” yet, but it sounds like the writers wanted to show a tangible consequence of the boy’s spending too little time with his dad — which as you say is a legitimate issue — if you have a dad, he should spend time with you. As you say, being a parent or a role model is not just about imparting specific skills. But the abstract benefits of family continuity and male role models don’t translate well into a simple plot point. So the writers leaned on a stereotype, and this stood out more glaringly because the “problem” was unlikely (that the kid wouldn’t have learned to pitch a tent from someone else, like scout leaders or his mom).
I like the philosophy that having male role models is “less about specific skills … more about showing him that someone of his gender can do a wide range of things.” I try to follow this with my son and, hopefully, will also do so with my future daughter (due in the fall).
I loved the movie UP. I don’t think the pitching the tent thing was that big of a deal. I think they presented it in the context that Russell was part of a group that did son/father activities. Russell spoke of his father helping him (or not) earn his badges. Russell was specifically looking for a father figure/ male role model. So, in showing that his dad didn’t teach him to pitch a tent falls into that context.. it’s not saying that his mother couldn’t have.. but instead that Russell wanted/needed his dad/male to teach him. Don’t forget that it was Ellie who showed Carl how to do many things that his own father/male role model failed to teach him.
I think the biggest yet subtle stereotype was the line about his stepmother (She says I take up too much of his time. and the She’s NOT my mom). Once again, a step mom being portrayed in a negative light.
Oh, good point about the stepmother, G. I guess I saw the tent episode as symbolic of a whole range of activities that only a father could teach a son, in Pixar’s eyes. Maybe I was reading too much into it–but the line did annoy me. I might just have been in one of those moods that day.
Maybe its because I am a man, but I am offended. How about the important bond that exists between a father and son? Is it not politically correct to assert that maybe, just perhaps, a father should be a father and that a “diverse” group of male role models is NOT a father. My relationship with my father was/is important to me. I see how unhappy my younger brother is because of a lack of relationship with our father (he quasi-abandoned us) and the diverse group of men: coaches, boy scout leaders, male teachers, etc. that my brother tried to bond with were not fathers to him.
It is in no form homophobia (my family is heavily populated with gay cousins and uncles, and I love them all) that I am compelled to dislike your ragingly politically correct, gender neutral, change for the sake of change attitude. It is not upsetting that a son bemoans the lack of a father. It is not upsetting that a an man is unnerved to find out a boy was not taught certain things by his father.
I was raised by my mother to cook, clean, garden, do the laundry, etc. Things to this day which I continue to do. But it was my father that taught me to shoot, build a fire, use tools, polish shoes, fold a suit, argue the law, run a household, and in the end BE A MAN. That is a father’s penultimate job, to usher a boy into manhood with all the responsibilities and virtues that that entails and I can assure you that is something no army of lesbian mothers, no matter how butch (including my own truck driving, work boots wearing mother) can do. I take it as a point of pride that it is my duty to teach my sons the qualities of men: honor, convictions, fortitude, self reliance, a responsibility greater than one’s self. And for you to carp on Pixar because of they made the assumption that a father should be a father and go on a boy scout camp out with his son they way so many fathers have done proves, that you can’t see past your politically correct, gender neutral opinion. There are too many adult boys in this world for you to tear down whatever remaining characters that remain who build men.
I am not saying that fathers are not important for children who have them, Jay. I think there are important things that fathers can teach their children, as I say in my article–the range of things it means to be a man. And even though I am a woman, I still learned plenty of things from my father. I was not criticizing Pixar because they assumed a father should go to scout camp with his son. I think Russell’s father was indeed to blame for his lack of involvement with his son. I was criticizing Pixar, instead, because they assumed that a father’s involvement was the only way Russell could have learned skills like pitching a tent, and his mother was incapable of teaching them. As I wrote, a father’s purpose is less about the practical skills and more about the abstract qualities you list. For a boy like Russell who has a father, it is indeed a shame the father is not around to teach him those things.
For other children, such as many children of lesbian moms or of single straight moms (by choice or by death of the father), then the reality is that they will need to find male role models elsewhere. As the many happy, well adjusted children of such families prove, however, this is not an insurmountable obstacle. Furthermore, it does not take away from the need for fathers to be involved when they do exist in other families.