Helen and I respond to a reader’s query about sperm banks, and discuss the ones we tried, features we overlooked, and whether romance and turkey basters are mutually exclusive.
(If the embedded video above doesn’t work for you, try it at Dailymotion.)
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Thanks for a great episode. I would say “turkey basters” (actually very small slender unobtrusive needleless syringes) and romance are not mutually exclusive. While IUI (intra-uterine insemination) tends to be more successful than vaginal insemination, it doesn’t preclude romance or a comfy atmosphere. You can even do IUI at home. Vaginal insemination is often more successful if done at home rather than in a doctors office (for a number of reasons). I would recommend The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception Pregnancy & Birth especially chapter 15 for a more in depth discussion of this topic. Good luck!
Some clinics will! I know people who’ve had music and dim lights and stuff. *g*
FWIW, the first time I got pregnant, we did it at home, and I think that, if you’re not having any problems, it’s totally doable. (I did have issues, but we were ALSO seeing a doctor, and working on those issues.) The second time, after the m/c, it was in a doctor’s office, but that was mostly because my body wasn’t much wanting to get back in the reproductive sense.
I know that just because it worked for me doesn’t mean it’ll work for everybody, but I wanted to give hope.
Fairfax’s “ID Consent” donor policy is that when the baby is born, you have to “register” them with the cryobank, and then when the child is 18, the child (and only the child, not the parent) may get the contact information.
Also, you might want to interesting the address the donor sibling registery. http://www.donorsiblingregistery.com
Also, regarding the “romantic” question, I read somewhere that, with IVF, it *might* up your odds a bit to have sex the night before embryo transfer.
(Specifically, that the woman carrying the pregnancy should have an orgasm the might before transfer. I guess a happy uterus is a welcoming uterus?)
Worked for us ;-)
I just want to add that there is another option for contacting donors and that is the “Donor Sibling Registry”. We did choose a “willing to be known donor” (I think the first from our bank), but he also turned up on the DSR and we had some e-mail contact with him. It got a little weird since we realized that we cross many of the same paths, so now we just update occasionally. Still, it is nice to know that he is out there and willing to be contacted by the kids. I guess that brings up another thing that we experienced because we used a donor at a relatively small local bank. At lesbian gatherings, we frequently ran into people who had used the same donor. I thought that was pretty cool, but there were some people who were freaked out. So whether you use local or a far-away bank, consider how comfortable you feel about revealing donor information. It can be a small world.
The sperm bank we used offered photo match and we used that. We gave them a picture of my partner and they gave us the three profiles that matched the best physically. We then chose the one that was the most like her in interests, abilities, etc. We were amazed at how our daughter looks like both of us. This was important for my partners family and we really enjoy the confusion this causes for people who are dying to know who’s baby she is, we just say “ours!”
Home insemination can work, and can be somewhat romantic! Thaw the sperm in the pocket of some flannel pajamas between your bodies as you prepare for the insemination…
We had 4 successful attempts out of 6. Two ended in miscarriage. We moved across country after our first child was born, but we stuck with the same sperm bank so we could use the same donor. It was trickier to order the sperm to arrive at the right time when you’re all the way across the country. Our two unsuccessful attempts were both because the timing was off. It was a lot easier to drive to the sperm bank and pick up the tank when it was the right time of the month, so I’d suggest using a bank that is close, if possible.