There’s a new children’s book out featuring a same-sex couple getting married: Eric Ross’ My Uncle’s Wedding
Both books feature a young child who learns that an uncle is getting married to his boyfriend. Both show the child helping the adults prepare for the weddings. Both of the weddings are held outside, with the child as part of the ceremony.
Ross told me in an e-mail that while he knew of Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, he has not read it himself. He also told me he was inspired by planning for his own wedding. I have no reason to doubt him, and I do not think there is deliberate plagiarism going on here. There are differences between the books, too: Uncle Bobby’s Wedding features anthropomorphic guinea pigs, with a young niece as the protagonist, whereas My Uncle’s Wedding shows cartoon humans, with a young nephew telling the tale.
At the same time, I find it disappointing that someone writing an LGBT-inclusive children’s book did not bother to study existing books in this genre, especially when they are relatively few in number. While new LGBT-inclusive children’s books are always a thing to celebrate, wouldn’t the LGBT community have been better served by a book that looks at a different aspect of our lives, or approaches it in a significantly different way?
My Uncle’s Wedding is definitely cute, with humorous moments of wedding planning and illustrations that are a step up from most self-published books about LGBT families. (Trust me. I’ve seen a lot of them.) In my mind, however, Uncle Bobby’s Wedding is the more captivating tale, primarily because it manages to portray character development in a way that is missing from My Uncle’s Wedding. Some may scoff at the idea of showing character development in picture-book length—but to my mind, that is what separates truly good children’s books from the rest.
In Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, young Chloe also asks about why her uncle is getting married, and is told, like Andy, “When grown-up people love each other that much, they want to be married.” Chloe does not simply accept this, however. She worries that her special Uncle Bobby will no longer have time for her once he is married. Bobby explains that this will not be the case. He and his fiancé Jamie then spend the day with Chloe, all having fun together. We see Chloe gradually realizing that two uncles are indeed better than one, and she eventually helps out with the wedding preparations. Her initial concern, and how it is mitigated, create the suspense and drive of the story, and make Uncle Bobby’s Wedding a better read for children who may indeed wonder how a relative’s marriage will change family relationships.
Near the beginning of My Uncle’s Wedding, Andy, too, asks “What does ‘getting married’ mean?” Like Chloe, he is told it is something two people do when they “really love each other, and decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together.” Andy does not respond one way or another to this, however, but instead jumps right to the idea that there will be a party involved. He then narrates the various activities related to planning the wedding—choosing food, flowers, cake, and suit—and the various activities at the wedding itself—including being a ringbearer, opening presents, and dancing. At the end, he says he is glad his uncle got married because he (the uncle) really loves his spouse, and because he (Andy) now has two uncles. Andy’s happiness over his uncle’s marriage was never in question, however, making the narrative arc rather flat, despite the humor throughout.
Don’t just take my word for it. I asked my seven-year-old son, who had read Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, to read My Uncle’s Wedding and tell me what he thought. I shared none of my own opinions beforehand, but suspected he might actually like the latter better, if only because it had a boy protagonist. On the contrary: he said he liked Uncle Bobby’s Wedding better because it was “more interesting.” He explained that in My Uncle’s Wedding, “The boy was just okay with the wedding. There was no problem or anything.” I asked if there was a problem for the niece in Uncle Bobby’s Wedding. Even though he hasn’t read the book in over a year, he remembered that she was worried her uncle wouldn’t play with her anymore. He added, “Books should have a problem they have to solve.” (I’m hanging up my hat. I’ll let him do the book reviews here from now on.) The book needn’t have followed Brannen’s plot for creating tension, either. There are lots of other possibilities: Maybe the ring got lost and the nephew saved the day; maybe he overcame stage fright to make a toast; maybe he struggled to find the perfect gift.
I should also mention that even Uncle Bobby was not the first picture book to look at the relationship between a child and a gay uncle. Mini Mia and her Darling Uncle, by Pija Lindenbaum, which appeared in the U.S. in late 2007 as a translated Swedish import, is also about a girl questioning her gay uncle’s devotion to her. (Uncle Bobby was already at the publisher then, so the similarity is coincidental.) Like Chloe, four-year-old Mini Mia is jealous of her uncle’s new beau. She acts out in retaliation, pouring sugar on the boyfriend’s shoes and throwing his towel in the pool, but ends up bonding with him over their shared love of soccer. Mini Mia stops short of discussing marriage, though.
All of the books are to be commended for their unquestioning acceptance of same-sex relationships. There is no angst from anyone over the fact that there are same-sex couples—and this shows progress from the earlier generation of LGBT children’s books that often focused on a child struggling against negative views of her or his family. Such books have their place—but increasingly, so do those that show LGBT people and same-sex couples as a fact of everyday life.
It is always good to see more LGBT-inclusive children’s literature, and I commend Ross for his contribution. If I am critical of My Uncle’s Wedding, therefore, it is not because it is not a good book. It’s really not bad. It could have been better, however, by taking a different approach to the subject or by tackling a subject not already covered so recently. Particularly in such a small niche, variety is key—and necessary, if we are a community committed to diversity. My Uncle’s Wedding, as adorable and funny as it might be, doesn’t really open our horizons in that regard.
Thank you so much for this excellent comparison and review. I’m so glad to hear your son formulating such advanced opinions about literature. It’s refreshing and very exciting. Thank you so much for sharing!
First a disclaimer: I haven’t read either of the books mentioned here. But I think it’s a bit unfair to criticize a book just for being too similar/covering the same topic as another book. True, it’s a niche market, so having such a similar storyline may mean the book doesn’t sell as well, but I don’t think it’s fair to criticize the author for covering the same ground. When my wife and I got married, I was looking for a cute book to give our ringbearing nephews. I could find oodles of ringbearer books with brides and grooms, but not with two brides. But I don’t think anyone is chastising the authors of those books for rewriting the same story. Had I been looking for a two grooms book, I probably would have been ecstatic to have two to choose from! Of course, the “gay uncle” trope is getting a little old…
I hear you, Becky. When you say “Of course, the ‘gay uncle’ trope is getting a little old…,” that’s exactly what I was getting at. If Ross knew there was a gay uncle wedding book already, it would have been more useful, IMHO, to do a book with, say, two aunts, so people like you (and me, if I had nephews) would have a book that fit our situation a little better. The storyline could still be somewhat similar, but it would offer something to a different segment of the LGBT audience.
I agree with Becky! It is really harsh, in my opinion, to down ANY LGBT children’s book. I happen to think his book was great and a much more up to date version of the experience of same sex relatives getting married. If anything I thought you would praise Ross for using too humans instead of animals. I mean, its not like popular publishing companies are lining up to get these books to the masses. I totally agree that there should be more books featuring two women. Im so proud of Eric Ross for adding his book to the few out there today.
Wow. I’m stunned by some of the responses to this very insightful review. The fact is that Dana had excellent points in her review — from the similarities between this book and Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, which I reviewed for Edge Media Network a few years ago, to the fact that the author should have done research to see what about already existing similar books. Sorry, folks, but that’s a basic expectation for all writers.
What’s especially troubling to me is Kay’s statement that “it is really harsh, in my opinion, to down ANY LGBT children’s book.” Why is it harsh that Dana was honest about her opinions of the book? Should she have stifled those opinions just to be positive about the book? Is the book supposed to get a free pass just because it’s part of a very special niche market? She had legitimate concerns and she raised them. Bravo to her for doing so!
Well Robb, note the “in my opinion” blip when you try to make it seem like Im saying the book shouldn’t get a fair review. Just like Dana I’m going to have an opinion as well. I was saying the tone of the review was one that seemed to ignore the key purpose of the book, a teaching tool for young children.
The review seemed harsh to me because of statements like “… I find it incredibly disappointing that someone writing an LGBT-inclusive children’s book did not bother to study existing books in this genre, especially when they are relatively few in number.” and “If Ross knew there was a gay uncle wedding book already, it would have been more useful, IMHO, to do a book with, say, two aunts, so people like you (and me, if I had nephews) would have a book that fit our situation a little better.” SO what?! The man let you know he was writing about HIS experience! Write the book of your choice don’t down a writer because he wrote on a subject you don’t want to hear about! How does that make for a fair review??
Dana is right in her point that variety is key, but why review a children’s book with what seems like, the same standards as a hardcore novel? I also commend her, for reviewing the book at all on mombian, who doesn’t love free publicity?
Thats all Im saying. I love mombian and they have an opinion just like me!
I’m happy to discuss the book and my review further, even if people disagree with me, but I want to remind anyone else who comments to please make sure the discussion is civil.
I should also point out that I wasn’t criticizing Ross because I didn’t want to hear about his subject–I was criticizing it because I thought the subject had been covered in a very similar way before. I think that’s a valid criticism of any book. Frankly, it might have behooved Ross, too, from a sales perspective, to have covered fresh ground. And while part of my concern with the book is that it is very similar to Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, I also found the story rather flat. As I said in my review, there was no problem to be solved and no dramatic tension. While we should celebrate every children’s book that is inclusive of LGBT families–because we do need more books like that–I also think we shouldn’t be afraid to criticize them from a literary perspective. That way, the next ones that come out will be even better–and better books mean a larger audience.
I’m a bit late to this discussion but wanted to add that I appreciate the critical review of My Uncle’s Wedding, and am still going to purchase a copy to support the author/illustrator. As an author and playwright myself, I do understand that when books and productions are reviewed negatively (and I use that term very loosely), it’s rarely because the reviewer just wants to be harsh and not applaud a worthy effort. It’s their job to their give an unbiased opinion and critical analysis of the work. In this case, she might actually be doing the author a favor by drawing attention to the similarities so that he might keep it in mind for sale future works.
My wife and I have three, multi-cultural children’s books in the process of being published this year, which will add to the holiday coloring book we released last year. We’re working very hard to ensure the stories are diverse, exciting and hope that they will be enthusiastically welcomed by our community and allies.
Thanks, Cheril. I appreciate your perspective as an author. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head–if all I did was give glowing reviews, there’d be no point. I try not to be harsh just to be harsh, but I will be critical if I see a reason to be. And I’m all for buying books to support the author and show that there’s a market for this kind of work.
(Also, while Cheril is thoughtfully abiding by my terms against commercial comments and not linking to her book in her comment, there’s nothing to stop me from doing so–here’s a link to her blog post about the coloring book she created.)