Proud Parents

(Originally published as my Mombian newspaper column.)

I keep seeing bumper stickers around town with slogans like, “Proud Parent of a Middle School Honor Student,” and “Proud Parent of a Soldier.” They remind me, in this season of LGBT Pride, of how often “pride” is associated with both LGBT identity and parenting. We LGBT parents have a lot of which we can be proud, in a lot of different ways.

First, several people with LGBT parents have been in the news lately with things we can be proud of as a community. Director Mike Mills has just released his film Beginners, based on the true story of his father coming out at age 75. It stars Golden Globe Award nominee Ewan McGregor, Academy Award nominee Christopher Plummer, Mélanie Laurent of Inglourious Basterds, and Goran Visnjic of ER.

Utah college student Cara Cerise, who has a gay dad, was recently named the 2011 Utah Young Humanitarian by a panel of community leaders, receiving a $5,000 college scholarship, the largest service-based award in the state. Her volunteer activities have included leading her high school social-justice club, helping low-income HIV-positive teens in Brazil, and creating a Utah chapter of COLAGE, the national organization for people with LGBT parents, according to the Salt Lake Tribune.

Zach Wahls, a University of Iowa student with two moms, spoke eloquently at an Iowa House hearing in February against a bill to ban marriage for same-sex couples. He has since appeared on Ellen and (with his moms) MSNBC to talk about his family.

And Morehead State University basketball star Kenneth Faried is a leading prospect in the NBA draft coming up on June 23. He spoke with ESPN.com in February about the influence of his two moms, one of whom is battling lupus. “When they got married,” he said, “that showed me what commitment is all about. . . . I look at them, what they’ve been through and I think, ‘Wow. That’s amazing.’ They’re amazing to me.” He told NBA.com in March that his mom Waudda’s rebounds from bouts of lupus are what inspire him to be a star rebounder on the court.

Not all of our children will succeed in such public ways, of course—nor should we expect them to. But we can all be proud of our children for all the many concrete accomplishments of childhood, from learning to walk, to riding a bike, to passing an algebra test. We can also be proud of them for emotional accomplishments: overcoming stage fright at a piano recital, standing up to a bully, asking a date to the prom.

In those ways, we are no different from any other parents. But we may also be proud of our children for things specific to LGBT families.

Every time they introduce us to their friends, teachers, or coaches, we can be proud that they are unashamed of their families in a society that often lacks understanding and acceptance.

Many of us who have come out or transitioned after having children can be proud of them for learning to accept us afterwards.

For those of us with children who have come out as LGBT themselves, we can be proud they have the courage to be who they are despite the extra burden of dealing with the myth that LGBT parents are more likely to create LGBT kids.

And we can be proud of our children every time they speak up for their families or for LGBT people in general—but we can also be proud of them if they choose to focus their activism in other areas.

We should also be proud of our allies, such as the politicians who have introduced legislation that would give our families equal recognition and protection, and the lawyers and judges who work to make sure laws are applied fairly to all families. But we should be equally proud of the allies in our immediate communities—neighbors, teachers, coaches, clergy members, and others—who accept us, speak up for us, or make an effort to be inclusive of all families.

Finally, we should remember to be proud of ourselves as well: for sticking to our dreams of becoming parents; for fighting to retain custody or contact with our children after divorce or separation; and for expanding the definition of family to include donors, surrogates, birth parents, and others who contribute deeply to our children’s life and well being.

Sometimes, I am proud simply to have gotten the laundry done, put dinner on the table, and sat down with my son for his bedtime reading. (If my newspaper column gets written, too, so much the better.) At other times, I reflect that I am also proud to be part of a family that medically, legally, and socially might not have existed a few decades ago. And I am proud that my son seems to be thriving in it.

LGBT parents don’t have exclusive rights to pride. We share one type of pride with non-LGBT parents and another with the wider LGBT community. But we stand at an intersection that gives us a unique perspective, proud of ourselves, the LGBT community, and our children.

Happy Pride, proud parents.

(Photo credit: Strange de Jim)