A recently posted photo for the NOH8 campaign features two moms breastfeeding their 18-month-old baby. One article, however, misses the point that both moms—biological and nonbiological—are of equal value as parents.
Of course, only one mom is the purveyor of the breast—even if both were lactating, the kid only has one mouth—but the other mom is helping to hold the child while she feeds. so I’ll count it as a team effort.
Mahaliyah Grace and Cindy Manit told NOH8 that they posed with their baby Immorah, “to share the power of our nurturing and dynamic relationship” and because their child “is the future we play big for.” Why breastfeeding? “Because it’s one of the most intimate bonds a Mother can offer her child—a bond that creates trust in a world that can highlight so much hate and struggle. The entire concept is meant to make a statement—a bold statement that cultivates trust in diversity rather than feeling imprisoned by an unconscious path of socialized injustice.”
Buzzfeed community member Shannon Grooms has more on the photo and on photographer Adam Bouska’s thoughts. It’s generally a positive article, but weirdly describes the photo as “a woman’s decision to pose for pro-LGBTQ equality photo campaign … with her 18-month-old daughter feeding from her left breast, and a female companion on her arm.” Huh? There’s nothing in the article to indicate it was birth mother Grace’s decision alone to pose for the photo. In fact, Bouska says, “I’m proud to have had the opportunity to help Mahaliyah and Cindy celebrate the beauty of motherhood,” implying it was a joint process. And “female companion” is insulting in this context. “The child’s other mother” would have been more accurate. Not only that, but Manit is not “on her arm” like a decoration. She’s clearly helping to hold the child—her child.
Later, Grooms writes, “May she continue to be nurtured into a strong woman who embraces her womanhood, a courageous women [sic] just like her mother.” Leaving open the possibility of a second typo in the sentence, the use of the singular “mother” indicates that Grooms still doesn’t get the concept of a nonbiological mom’s role and influence.
Buzzfeed has always been a powerful LGBTQ ally. This piece was written by a Buzzfeed community member, not staff, so I don’t blame the site for her wording. I just hope that whenever anyone writes about same-sex (and/or adoptive) parents, they are attentive to not marginalizing nonbiological ones.
The powerful story behind one couple’s stand against breast-feeding discrimination: http://t.co/rGKcyg6xPd #NOH8 pic.twitter.com/WEYbU6pnVY
— NOH8 Campaign (@NOH8Campaign) January 7, 2015
Hello! I would address you by name, but I don’t see one listed. I just wanted to add that the reason Cindy was never referred to as Immorah’s mother is because she isn’t, nor did either woman wish that it even be suggested. They both preferred ambiguity in their descriptions as to not imply anything, so I respected their wishes. Perhaps I could use better wording in the future, so long as it doesn’t suggest a mistruth.