On Not Despairing

• Politics and Law, Social Justice • election 2016, guest post

Dana Alison LevyToday’s post is a guest piece by Dana Alison Levy, author of the terrific Family Fletcher middle-grade series about two dads and their four boys. Like many of us, she has been shaken by the election results. In asking, “What do we do?” she came up with a collection of practical suggestions, links, and wise advice that she emailed to friends and has allowed me to repost here. (Many thanks!) My favorite: “Supporting the vulnerable is far more important than shouting at the enablers.”

On Not Despairing

An email written to my community on November 10, 2016:

So for starters, we are not packing up and moving back to Canada. For those who think that’s a joke, it’s not. My husband is Canadian and my kids are dual citizens; it would be easy enough to do. Canada is not a perfect country, but it is also home, and it in many ways is a place I would far rather pay taxes these days. (Not even considering Justin Trudeau and those damn pandas). Anyway, we’re not leaving, because, as I told the kids Wednesday morning, “I’m not done fighting for this country. We’re not giving up just yet.”

But I am gutted. Like many of you, I spent the past twenty-four hours totally bereft, sad and hopeless in a way I haven’t felt since September 11th, when I watched my country burn. Tuesday night and late Wednesday morning I was sleepless, sobbing and fighting off a panic attack, until at 5:30 I finally pulled myself together with yoga breathing. I went downstairs, made coffee that I didn’t even want so that the house would smell normal when my kids woke up, and worked hard to keep my voice steady when I told them the news. I’m a storyteller, and I needed to create a story that would allow me to get through this moment, to get through this day. As I wrote on Facebook:

This morning we will tell our kids the truth: that we are disappointed and scared, but that we will keep fighting. That this is not the first time, nor will it be the last, where bad things happen. But that we will be respectful in our disappointment and we will follow John Lewis, Rosa Parks, and countless others who get knocked down and get back up. We will tell them that once we do the dishes and get them to school, we will be donating to Planned Parenthood or a Muslim Community Center, we will be checking in with our brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ+ community, and our brothers and sisters of color, to make sure they’re okay. We will keep saving lives or writing books or teaching kids or whatever it is we do to make the world better. We will tell them we are not giving up.

Once I figured that out I was okay, and I told them, first my fifteen-year-old son, who looked sucker-punched, then my thirteen-year-old daughter. When I told her that we just needed to keep fighting, she nodded. “Yeah. Like Malala,” she said. Like Malala indeed.

So now what? Why am I writing you all? Well, because the fact is, when I was SURE Hillary would win, I was still fairly despondent, because of course, just because the election would be over, Trump’s supporters weren’t going anywhere. The voices of anger and frustration that gave him power would still be festering in our country. Now, the opposite thought gives me hope. He has won, but the MAJORITY of Americans (popular vote, not electoral college, alas) voted for Hillary. The 3.6 million women and men on the Facebook group Pantsuit Nation* are still there. The women fighting the good fight with Emily’s List are still there. Representative John Lewis and Senator Elizabeth Warren are still there. We are all still here, and just as I feared that Trump’s followers would not go gently into this good night, now I KNOW our side won’t.

But things are really bad right now. These are frightening, but I think it’s important that we all know it’s not just a matter of working toward the next election, or recognizing that the pendulum will be swinging back. These are screenshots from Shaun King’s timeline. He’s a journalist and activist in the Black Lives Matter group, and is something of a touchstone for people trying to share their stories.

This is what we’re dealing with. So what do we do? What do we, as allies, as people who voted the right way, who donated, who want things to be better, do? I have no idea, really. But I’ve spent the past hours reading articles and posts from friends and strangers alike, and figured I’d see what else the wise folks here come up with. Please share any concrete steps you think I can take. Here’s what I got so far:

  • Subscribe to newspapers, online or hard copy. We all know that journalism has been hard hit, and freedom of the press is potentially under attack with our new administration.
    White people, be loud and proud in your support of the people who need it. Buy and wear a Black Lives Matter t-shirt, or pin, or keep an I’m With Her button on your bag or jacket. Make eye contact with women wearing pantsuits, and give a nod, like you understand. Be extra aware of the POC and other vulnerable populations wherever they are in your life, from the subway ride to the office. Nod and smile. Flash a peace sign. Show your Mockingjay pin**. If you think that doesn’t matter, you’re wrong. On the wonderful Pantsuit Nation Facebook group, member after member write posts about what it feels like to encounter real-world solidarity, kindness, and community in these moments.
  • Let them know you are there as an ally if things get ugly. Here’s a great link on what to do if you’re witnessing harassment. I was glad to read it, as I don’t like confrontation and wouldn’t necessarily know how to act.
  • And maybe most importantly, there’s this fact. A huge number of Trump supporters voted for him IN SPITE of his racist, xenophobic, homophobic statements. They don’t agree with him, but were willing to overlook them because of X. (And I’m not even going to try to get into the X factor or how misguided and privileged this is). I have enormous problems with this attitude, but whatever. That ship has sailed. They voted for him, and they got him, and they’re saying he’s not going to be so bad. So if you have these kinds of Trump supporters in your family, workplace, or friendships, I beg you: don’t argue with them about their vote. It’s done. Instead CHALLENGE THESE PEOPLE TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION, NOT THE PROBLEM. If they truly believe that the America they want isn’t the one illustrated in Shaun King’s posts (and there are literally hundred more since yesterday, of kindergarten kids being told on their school bus they they will be deported to a woman who came out of her apartment to see her SUV spray painted with racist graffiti), then ask them to help make it so. Challenge these “I’m not racist but” Trump supporters to actively engage in their communities against the racism and xenophobia that’s happening. How?
    • Well, they could ask about diversity and inclusion conversations at their local schools, churches, etc.
    • They could talk to their own kids and remind them about the importance of standing up for someone who needs support.
    • They could donate money to organizations that help (more on that below).
    • They could read diverse books to their children, or by themselves, and work to understand other perspectives.
    • Believe me, I would like to shout and scream at every Trump voter who somehow says “I know he said all that but…” But the reality is, the neo-Nazis are still a small percentage of our country, and frankly, they’re a lost cause. It’s the much larger and in some ways more frightening group of people who were willing to overlook this that we need to awake. And nobody gets woke by being told they’re an idiot, regardless of the truth.
    • This is an interesting article, written before the election but still important. My husband often quotes the Sun Tzu line, “build your enemy a golden bridge to defeat.” Here we are…let’s build a bridge to bring more people back to the side of sanity.
    • There are some resources here, and I’d welcome any more that offer people a way to take steps toward inclusivity and awareness.
  • DONATE. Whether Trump is just run-of-the-mill awful or the stuff of Dystopian nightmares still remains to be seen. But I think we can assume that he and his Republican cohorts will be hard at work eroding much of what we hold dear: a social safety net, a more sustainable environment, a diverse, inclusive and safe country, and, of course, access to health care. Advice from a professional fundraiser:
    • If possible, do a recurring monthly donation — even a small amount — so that the nonprofit can count on the money and budget accordingly.
    • Earmark the money to “unrestricted” or “most needed” so the organization can be flexible.
    • See if your employer has a matching donation plan, OR, talk to your book group, religious organization, Cross-Fit group, or whoever and see about an ongoing match.
    • Here’s a list of places that will definitely need your money in the days, months, and years to come.
    • Other organizations I strong support include We Need Diverse Books and Facing History and Ourselves. Both do incredible work that I believe will change our young people for the better so that this election won’t happen again.
  • Remind yourself and your kids: supporting the vulnerable is far more important than shouting at the enablers. My son is angry. He’s a fifteen-year-old boy, so anger is a pretty common reaction, but right now he’s angry at the kids whose parents supported Trump, and wants to yell at them, insult them, get into it with them. I’m urging him not to. Instead I asked him if his school as a Gay-Straight Student Alliance, or a Cultural Diversity Club. I asked him if he knows any kids in his classes who are out. I asked him if he ever sees the few trans students around, and if he makes eye contact, if he invites them, just in a casual, teen-grunting-sort-of-way, to sit with him at lunch. These are harder, more potentially awkward, riskier, than shouting at the kid whose parents voted for Trump. But all of us — adults and kids — need to do it. We need to step outside our comfort zone and think about how to help, not just how to blame.
  • Finally, a friend online made a pledge that for the next 1455 days until the next election, she, as a white woman with all the privileges that entails, is committed to an act a day to support all that is at risk right now. I love that idea. I’ve taken it as my own, and named it #SustainedOutrage. My goal: do not give in to despair, and, maybe more important given my privilege, do not normalize. Keep pushing forward. It is so important that we not get despondent, or complacent, or give up. What the heck am I going to do for all these days? I have no idea. Feel free to email me with some of your own. But here are a few to get us started.
    • Donate.
    • Write a note of support to someone who worked hard and is hurting right now.
    • Donate diverse books to school libraries that need them, and BELIEVE ME, all school libraries need them. If this election has shown us anything, it is that diverse books — books that provide both windows into other peoples’ lives and mirrors to children’s own lives — are vital. Brown kids are not the only kids who need diverse books. Muslim kids are not the only kids who need books about Muslims. Send these books — these funny, goofy, realistic, fantastical, dsytopian, universal books to schools in Tennessee, Minnesota, in Georgia. If you need suggestions, this website is phenomenal, and I’m also always available for recommendations.
      Go to a local protest. Sure, you feel like it doesn’t matter. But it does. It’s energizing to be around others, and it gives energy to the group.
    • Volunteer your time. There is a LOT of work to be done. Whether you have time to give a local food bank or go to read to children at a local school, or sign up online for a virtual option, there are people who will need help more than ever.
    • Write letters to the editor of your local paper about concerns in your community.
    • Get on your congresspeople like a mosquito and bug them. Remind them why they are there. If you live in Massachusetts or somewhere similarly liberal, thank them for their support of what’s important. Again, seems like it doesn’t matter…but it does.

So again, if this email is baffling or annoying to you, ignore it. But I work alone, and I am rocked to my core over what has happened in this country. For my own sake, I needed to gather my thoughts and try to figure out how I was going to move forward. I’ve sent this as a blind email, so no one can reply-all. But you can reply to me, and if people want to, I’m happy to share the assembled learning in other ways.

Now I’m going to open up my document and try to keep writing books. I’ll push myself to ensure that every single thing I write, whether it’s a silly story about brothers and pets, or a story about teen romance…that every single one tells the story of our path forward. Onward.

xoxxo

Dana

*Pantsuit Nation is a “secret” group of over 3 million on Facebook — men and women who supported Hillary and are now regrouping to see what kind of world they can build together. The posts are overwhelming, and if you’re a member you might need to unfollow, just to avoid being inundated. But oh, they are a tonic for the soul — inspiring and a great reminder that we are not alone. For those of us with like-minded family members living in liberal communities, it is a lovely luxury. For people who are physically isolated, disowned by their families for their beliefs, it is like oxygen.

**For those who don’t know the Mockingjay pin was worn as a symbol of the resistance in the hugely popular Hunger Games trilogy. The pin has started cropping up for sale as a way for people to show they plan to resist Trump.

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