Sharon Mattes, known as Sharon Bottoms when she fought to overcome anti-LGBTQ bias in a legal battle for custody of her son in the 1990s—a headline case for queer parents—has died at age 48.
Sharon had met her soon-to-be partner April Wade in 1992. She had a son from a previous marriage to a man. In 1993, she told her mother, Kay Bottoms, that she didn’t want the boy to spend time at Kay’s house, because Kay’s live-in boyfriend had repeatedly molested Sharon when she was a teen, writes Carlos Ball in his 2012 book, The Right to Be Parents. Kay responded by filing a lawsuit for custody of the boy, claiming Sharon was unfit because of her relationship with April.
During a Virginia County Circuit Court hearing, Kay testified the boy “shouldn’t be raised by lesbians” and would be mentally and physically harmed because of the women’s relationship. Sharon was forced to describe on the stand what she and April did in their bedroom. This included oral sex, which was illegal under state law at the time, even if consensual. The judge ruled against Sharon, writing in 1993, “The mother’s conduct is illegal and immoral and renders her an unfit parent.” Custody went to Kay. Sharon was allowed to visit on Mondays and Tuesdays, but not in the presence of April.
In 1994, the Virginia Court of Appeals overturned the ruling, but in 1995 the Virginia Supreme Court flipped it back, returning the child to Kay Bottoms. The next year, Sharon said it would be best for her son if she stopped the custody fight, but continued to challenge the visitation restriction. In 1999, the Virginia Court of Appeals upheld that as well.
Diane Anderson-Minshall, editorial director for the Advocate, in 2012 listed Sharon’s case as one of “The Court Cases That Changed Our World.” She wrote, “The ruling galvanized gay activists — many of them lesbian moms like Sharon — who held stroll-ins (rallies with empty baby strollers) and protests in Virginia and outside the state.” Sharon wasn’t the first lesbian or bisexual mother to seek custody of a child, but, as Anderson-Minshall wrote, “Sharon’s case resonated, though, because of the ordinariness of Sharon and Wade, two working-class women who wanted the American dream more than they sought headlines and activist mantles.” The case also came during what Newsweek in 1990 dubbed a “gayby boom.” LGBTQ parents were hardly new, but they were hitting public consciousness in a big way for the first time.
Ten years after Sharon began her battle, my own son was born. I will be forever grateful to her and all the others who helped pave the way towards greater understanding and acceptance for LGBTQ families.
Sharon’s obituary notes that she is survived by a husband, Bill Mattes (whom she must have married subsequent to her legal battles); two sons, including the one she fought for, two daughters, a grandson, and a brother.
(H/t, New York Times.)
