Books for Children and Adults About LGBTQ Adoptive Families

November is National Adoption Month, so let’s kick it off with a look at some of the books for children and adults—storybooks, memoirs, and social science studies—that feature LGBTQ adoptive families.

Children’s Books

• Megan Dowd Lambert’s Real Sisters Pretend, the story of Tayja and Mia, two sisters whose imaginations soar as they play pretend—turning their living room in to a setting for becoming mountain climbing princesses. What they don’t have to pretend, however, the older Tayja tells Mia, is that they are sisters. Tayja, who is Black, then relates the stories of their adoptions to Mia, who is White, possibly Latina. Tayja also recounts the story of a woman at the grocery store who asked “Are you real sisters?” Their Momma told them that the woman “didn’t understand about adoption.” Mia joyously responds, “But we do,” and the two go on with their princess game. Stay tuned this coming February for Lambert’s A Kid of Their Own, in which the two farmers of her A Crow of His Own adopt a child. (See the cover reveal here.)
• Felicia’s Favorite Story, by Lesléa Newman, is about a girl who loves to hear her two White moms tell her about when they adopted her from Guatemala.
• In Our Mothers’ House, by Patricia Polacco, is a gentle tale about the treasures of everyday life and growing up, told through the eyes of an adopted Black girl with two White moms, Asian American brother, and White sister. The story includes one prejudiced neighbor who says to the mothers, “I don’t appreciate what you two are.” Meema explains, “She is full of fear…. She’s afraid of what she cannot understand. She doesn’t understand us.” That is well put, but may still leave children wondering what exactly is not understandable. Parents may want to have fuller explanations ready in case of questions. The story ends with the mothers growing old and being buried next to each other. It is a fitting closure, but parents should consider whether younger children will be frightened by the thought of parents dying.
• A Tale of Two Mommies, by Vanita Oelschlager, does not state that the family is adoptive, but it’s clear the moms are White and their son is Black, which strongly implies it (although it’s possible they used a Black sperm donor or one of them had a child from a previous relationship with a Black person). There’s no plot to speak of, but on each spread a child outside the family asks what life is like with two moms. One asks, “Who’s your mom for climbing a tree? Who’s your mom when you scrape your knee?” to which the reply is, “Momma helps me climb a tree. Both moms help when I skin my knee.”
• In Adopting Ahava, by Jennifer Byrne, a boy who was adopted by two Jewish mamas is excited about adopting a puppy of his own.
• In Two Moms and a Menagerie, by Carolyn Robertson, two adoptive moms, one White, one Black, discover they have a problem when their house is no longer big enough for their multiracial family and its many pets.
• Home at Last, by Vera B. Williams, features a boy who can’t fall asleep after being adopted by his two dads. They try many things to help him feel at home—until their dog, who crawls into bed to comfort and protect him, provides the solution. All appear to be White.
• How My Family Came to Be: Daddy, Papa and Me, by Andrew Aldrich, is the loving and sometimes funny story of a Black boy’s adoption by two White dads, starting with their preparations for a social worker’s visit.
• Carolyn Robertson also gives us Two Dads: A Book About Adoption, a simple, rhyming tale in which a White boy talks about being adopted by his two dads (one Black, one White).
• I should also mention King & King & Family, since it appears on many LGBTQ children’s book lists and continues the story begun in Linda De Haan’s King & King. This time, the royal couple adopts a child—but only after the child stows away in their luggage after their trip to the jungle. There’s no talk of why the child, whose skin is darker than that of the two White kings, left her jungle home, nor any mention of her birth family. Many will find this all very problematic. I say pass on this one.

In addition, many children’s books that talk broadly about different types of families also include adoptive families.

What’s missing? Books about clearly transgender and bisexual parents who adopt. I hope someone remedies this soon!

Memoirs

• American Family: Things Racial, by Stacy Cusulos and Barbara Waugh. A wrenching, must-read memoir of the two White women’s adoption and raising of their Black daughter and son from infancy to adulthood, and a hard look at the very personal effects of systemic racism and homophobia in our country.
• Waiting for the Call: From Preacher’s Daughter to Lesbian Mom, by Jacqueline Taylor, tells of her and her partner adopting two girls from Peru. An insightful, compassionate story about coming out, motherhood, and faith.
• In A Forever Family: Fostering Change One Child at a Time, Rob Scheer shares his story of growing up in an abusive household and then in foster care, battling drug addiction and depression, then persevering to adopt four kids of his own with his husband and founding the Comfort Cases charity, which provides children in foster care with knapsacks of needed supplies.
• Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad, by actor Dan Bucatinsky (Scandal), is another hilarious tale involving open adoption. Mostly, though, it is a romp through his children’s first few years on the planet, covering topics that will make any parent both smile and wince with familiarity: children’s bodily functions, keeping romance alive, competition between partners and other parents, and embarrassing travel incidents. To limit the scope of this hysterically funny, often bawdy, and unexpectedly touching book to gay parenting alone is to miss its universality—even if the book also contains some supremely sharp observations about being both gay and a parent.
• PopDaddy: Boy Meets Boy Meets Baby, by Jeffrey Roach, is a funny and warm memoir of two dads who adopt a son from Guatemala.
• Rollercoasters and Sons, by Chase Turner, is a gay man’s story of fostering three sons, the last of whom he adopted.
• Rebel Dad: Triumphing Over Bureaucracy to Adopt Two Orphans Born Worlds Apart, by David McKinstry, takes us to Canada where in 1997, McKinstry became the first openly gay man in the country to be allowed to adopt internationally, and then the first to be allowed to co-adopt with a same-sex partner or spouse.
• The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant, by advice columnist and “It Gets Better” founder Dan Savage has a blunt, sarcastic style and sometimes crude humor that won’t be to everyone’s liking. The memoir is also more political than any of the others here—no surprise to those who read Savage’s blog. For those who take him with a few grains of salt, however, his story of starting a family through open adoption is wonderfully funny tale with an undercurrent of love and parental dedication. It’s also one of the earliest LGBT parenting memoirs, first published in 1999.
• In An American Family, Michael and Jon Galluccio tell of trying to adopt an HIV+ boy in the late 1990s, forcing their state, New Jersey, to enact a statewide policy allowing same-sex couples to adopt jointly. Jon, who was himself adopted, also tells of searching for his own biological mother.
• Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders, by Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall, is not exclusively about parenting, but about Jacob’s gender transition more broadly and its impact on them as a couple. Along the way they become foster parents, however, and a section of the book explores how this experience shaped them as well. (I know, foster parenting isn’t the same as adopting, and the Anderson-Minshalls do not in fact adopt, but as the two are often connected, I’m including the book here for those who start as foster parents—and also because I am unaware of any memoirs about transgender adoptive parents. (But if I’ve missed one, please leave a comment!))

Social Science Studies

• Just published last month is Open Adoption and Diverse Families: Complex Relationships in the Digital Age, by Dr. Abbie Goldberg, professor of psychology at Clark University. It’s a thoughtful study based on detailed interviews with gay, lesbian, and heterosexual parents who created their families through open adoption. They are all part of a larger study on adoptive parents that Goldberg has been running for over 10 years.
• Gay Dads: Transitions to Adoptive Fatherhood, also by Goldberg (2012), is an examination of gay (male) couples before and just after they adopt children. While written in part for an academic audience, the book is nevertheless extremely accessible for lay readers. Gay dads (and prospective gay dads), as well as adoption providers, social workers, and lawyers, among others, will find much of value in it.
• Adoption by Lesbians and Gay Men: A New Dimension in Family Diversity, edited by David Brodzinsky and Adam Pertman (2011), brings together experts across several disciplines—social welfare, psychology, sociology, and law—to provide a picture of this “rapidly growing new family form.” It summarizes our knowledge of lesbian and gay adoptive families, contributes to it, and points out directions for future research, education, and policy changes. It is an academic book, not a light read, and a few years old at this point, an invaluable reference for adoption professionals, researchers, policy makers, advocates, and lawyers.
• Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families—and America, by Adam Pertman (Revised and Updated Edition, 2011), is LGBTQ-inclusive but not LGBTQ-specific. It chronicles the struggle of adoptive parents and their children over the last decades for greater acceptance, openness, and a broader definition of family. This is a must-read for adoptive parents, potential parents, and adults who were adopted as children—but I recommend it for all LGBTQ parents because of the parallels between our challenges and those of even non-LGBTQ adoptive parents. May it inspire us to build bridges.

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