Let’s look at some more of the many LGBTQ-inclusive children’s books coming out in the next few weeks! Here are three that each revolve around children dealing with questions about same-sex parents.
Who’s Your Real Mum? by Bernadette Green and illustrated by Anna Zobel (Scribble) puts the question right in the title, but the book itself is not nearly as pedantic as that might imply. In fact, it addresses the question in a clever and lighthearted way that may better convey its message than a more serious treatment. When Elvi, who has two moms, is asked the titular question by her friend Nicholas, she replies, “They’re both my mom.”
When he insists, “Only the one who had you in her tummy can be your real mom,” Elvi answers, “Fine! She’s wearing jeans.” One can hear the exasperation in her voice and guess this isn’t the first time she’s dealt with this. “They’re both in jeans,” Nicholas observes. Her real mom is a pirate in disguise! Elvi responds. She can speak with gorillas! She crochets hammocks for polar bears! Nicholas is doubtful. After several other wildly inventive clues involving the language of whales, flying dragons, and more, Elvi relents. Her real mom is the one who holds her when she’s scared and kisses her goodnight. They both do, Nicholas says. “Exactly!” Elvi replies. It’s an empowering approach that shows a child who confidently has her own solution, and I love it.
Elvi has medium-dark skin and straight brown hair; Nicholas’ skin is lighter and he has brown curly hair. One of Elvi’s moms has dark skin and black hair; the other has lighter skin and brown hair.
I’ll be the first to say that we need more books that simply include LGBTQ characters without making them an “issue,” but there’s still a time and a place for books that deal smartly with some of the questions that children in LGBTQ families may encounter. Who’s Your Real Mom? is one of them.
Papa, Daddy, and Riley, by Seamus Kirst and illustrated by Devon Holzwarth (Magination), starts on Riley’s first day of school, when she is dropped off by her two dads and notices other children with parents and guardians of different types. Another child immediately asks “Which one is your dad dad? And where is your mom?” Riley, who is Black, explains that they both are, and that her “belly mommy” doesn’t live with them. Another child insists, “One mom and one dad make a baby and that makes a family. So which dad is the real dad?”
Riley wonders if she has to pick. She reflects on the various ways she’s like each of her dads (one Black and one White) and like her “belly mommy” (also Black). She likes to bake cookies like Daddy and shoot hoops like Papa; she’s a good swimmer like Daddy and a good singer like Papa. Indeed, she’s “Papa’s Princess” and “Daddy’s Dragon.” When her dads pick her up, though, she is crying and upset because she doesn’t want to have to choose between them. They explain that she doesn’t have to; families come in many forms and love is what makes a family.
The book is thoughtfully done, and will likely be helpful for children dealing with intrusive questions—but Riley’s crying could also plant fears where none existed. I think it’s telling that in the the latest (2015) edition of Lesléa Newman’s classic Heather Has Two Mommies, Heather no longer cries as she did in the 1989 original when she thinks about whether she’s the only one in her class without a daddy; now, she merely wonders. That, to me, feels like a gentler way to approach family difference with young readers, to whom it may never have occurred that having a “different” family is something to cry about. Obviously, different children will respond to such situations differently—and for children who have experienced worries over them, Papa, Daddy, and Riley offers compassion and support. I’d like to imagine, however, that Riley, now that she has talked with her dads, will take Elvi’s approach the next time she faces similar questions.
Nadine Haruni also addresses kids’ questions about same-sex parents in the latest book of her Freeda the Frog series, Freeda the Frog and the Two Mommas Next Door, illustrated by Tina Modugno (Mascot Books). When new tadpole Jessica moves into Port Frogafly, the other tadpoles are “confused” when they learn that Jessica has two mommas. “That’s so weird!” one says. Another quickly tells the first, “That’s so rude!” to which Jessica replies, “That’s okay! Yes, I have two parents, just like you do, except I have two moms—just not a mom and a dad.” I’m not sure why Jessica has to say “That’s okay,” because it’s really not okay to call another person’s family “weird,” but I like that Jessica stands up for herself.
Two of the tadpoles later tell their parents, Freeda and Samson, that they met Jessica’s moms. One of the tadpoles asks them, “Isn’t that wrong?” Samson explains that it’s not wrong, just different. The other tadpole then asks, “But do two mommas love each other the same way a mommy and a daddy do?” Freeda assures him that they do, saying, “Love is love. No two families look alike,” and describes some of the various permutations. One of the tadpoles suggests inviting Jessica and her moms to dinner, which they do. Everyone has a good time and the message is reinforced. The book also has coloring pages, a word search, and discussion questions at the end.
The lesson is about as subtle as a brick, but its heart is in the right place. The book seems geared towards children without same-sex parents (the focus is more on Freeda’s children and their response than on Jessica), which is fine—it’s always good to see books that help people to be allies. Yet if those kids haven’t already heard erroneous things about same-sex parents (they’re “confusing,” “weird,” and “wrong”), this book might not be the best place to start. (Try another book that simply discusses diverse types of families in a positive way.) Still, in cases where children have already heard negative remarks about same-sex parents, stories like this may help them understand why such views are wrong.
