Two new memoirs offer differing looks at queer families. In one, the author reflects on the coming out not only of her and her two siblings (as lesbian, bi, and trans, respectively), but of their dad as gay. In another, the author shares her story of navigating infertility, miscarriage, breast cancer, separation, and adoption.
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The Family Outing: A Memoir, by Jessi Hempel (HarperOne)
Jessi Hempel came out as a lesbian in college. Then her father was outed as gay, her sister came out as bisexual, and their brother came out as a trans man. Yet their collective queerness is not in itself what caused their White, middle-class family to fracture. Hempel explores what did, a legacy of secrets and past traumas. Perhaps most strikingly, though, she shows how their being queer, and the personal searching and community connections that this led them to, was ultimately a tool for healing.
This is a memoir of family secrets, hidden, revealed, and reconciled. It is a story of personal growth and change, of grief and healing, family and community. Not all families look like theirs, but it will be a rare person who will not gain something from their story.
Crybaby: Infertility, Illness, and Other Things That Were Not the End of the World, by Cheryl E. Klein (Brown Paper Press)
Cheryl E. Klein, a failed perfectionist and successful hypochondriac, wanted a baby with her partner—but instead encountered infertility, miscarriage, breast cancer at age 35, and separation. Despite the betrayals of her own body and the echoes of the past (such as her own mother’s death from cancer), Klein shows us, sometimes with dark humor, how she found her way through these traumas, and how they even helped prepare her and her partner for their next challenge, trying to become parents through open adoption.
Klein moves back and forth between her adulthood and childhood, exploring how early experiences shaped her responses to later events, but also how change and reconciliation are possible. She is open about living with depression and anxiety, and is not afraid to expose flaws in her own attitudes—but we also see her gradually learning and trying to work things out with partner, family, and friends. While not all these threads are resolved, we also sense that she has gained wisdom from her experiences. Despite her harrowing history, she leaves us in the end with a sense of hope.
