I skipped Episode 6, which had little about parenting, so we’re on to Episode 7, which brings us Rosie O’Donnell being parental, plus the well-worn trope of “wacky potential sperm donor situations.”
Spoilers ahead.
Condolences to Tess
First, let’s acknowledge the one parenting-related plot point that the previous episode did have, the death of Tess’s mom, whom Tess had long been caring for. I’ve been touched by this storyline, not only because my own parents have both died and I understand Tess’s pain, but because it offers a different perspective on LGBTQ people and their parents than is often depicted in the media. Many storylines revolve around parents’ rejection of their LGBTQ children; here, Tess’s queerness is a complete non-issue in their relationship (at least in the part that we saw). This feels like a breath of fresh air, even as the show also gives us characters like Finley, estranged from her parents. Far too many parents still reject their LGBTQ children—making it all the more important to show examples of those who don’t.
The Search for Sperm
Maribel and Micah are still in search of the right sperm donor, despite not finding one online (though as I noted previously, they only seem to have searched one sperm bank). Lucky for them, publicist Dani is throwing an album release party for Fletcher (guest starring as herself). While waiting at the bar at the party, Micah meets someone who seems like he would perfectly fit Maribel’s request that the donor be like Micah: he’s Chinese American, his name is Michael, and he and Micah even have the same aversion to lime rind in their drinks. He’s married but doesn’t have kids yet, although he wants kids of his own.
Micah and Maribel pop the question, and Michael says “It would be an honor,” although he sensibly says he needs to check with his wife first.
Meanwhile, Sophie, fresh off her breakup with Finley, has met a woman at the party and they are making out. It turns out that the woman Sophie is making out with his Michael’s wife, and he is not happy when he sees them. There’s a scuffle and Sophie falls into the pool.
“I have a feeling this isn’t going to work out,” Micah says dryly. He and Maribel seem to have fallen into the “weird adventures while seeking a known donor” trope (which has been done by shows including, but not limited to, Season 3 of the original The L Word; NYPD Blue; Cashmere Mafia; If These Wall Could Talk 2; Exes and Ohs; and Rick & Steve: the Happiest Gay Couple in All the World). It’s funny, sure, but it’s also kind of an old joke. I hope the show’s creators move the couple on to another option (a known donor they actually know; another try at different sperm banks; adoption) rather than linger on more known-donor hijinks.
Again, for real couples going through the process of choosing a donor (or even choosing whether to use one), I recommend:
Queer Conception: The Complete Fertility Guide for Queer and Trans Parents-to-Be, by Kristin L. Kali (Sasquatch Books), which has a whole chapter on choosing gamete donors (known or unknown) laying out various considerations. Also helpful is We’re Here! A Guide to Becoming an LGBTQ+ Parent, by B.J. Woodstein (Praeclarus Press) and LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents, by Abbie Goldberg (American Psychological Association), which includes many insights from research on families that used donor conception.
The Wisdom of Rosie
In another storyline, Finley, reeling after Dani broke up with her, is trying to stay sober. Her AA sponsor, Tess, is out of town because of her mom’s death, so Finley heads to Carrie, played by the inimitable Rosie O’Donnell. The show doesn’t explain why Finley thought of Carrie—but one might assume that although Carrie isn’t in AA like Finley, her participation in Overeaters Anonymous, a somewhat related organization, means Finley thought of her as the next best alternative to Tess. Alternatively, maybe Finley just thought of Carrie as an older lesbian to whom she could turn (or a little of both). Carrie certainly delivers the older dyke wisdom, taking Finley in, telling her that burning a lasagna is not a character flaw, and encouraging her to get out of the house and go bowling.
Carrie isn’t Finley’s parent, but she’s acting rather parental, which is why I’m including her storyline in this recap. Let’s hear it for older queer mentors and role models. They can be vital for queer children and youth (and even young adults like Finley), particularly if their parents aren’t accepting (and we know Finley’s aren’t)—but even accepting parents may need some help offering relatable queer wisdom to their kids.
Carrie—played by the actor who was one of the first celebrities to gain mainstream visibility as a queer parent—is one of the best parts of this season, in my opinion. We need more queer elder representation. There’s also an adorkable storyline in which Finley helps Carrie and bowling teammate Misty realize their feelings for each other, reminding us that sometimes the wisdom flows upstream.
Catch up on my other parenting explorations of this season’s LW:GQ:
