One of the most frequent questions I’ve heard from prospective LGBTQ parents is “What should our kids call us?” Here are just a few of the 400+ real-life names—and the stories behind them—that people have shared with the Mombian LGBTQ Parental Names Project since it began in 2011. Have a read and add your own!
Below is a selection of responses, including many submitted since my last full roundup in 2022, plus a few older ones that fit thematically. Please visit the Naming page for the older roundups and to view the full results spreadsheet of 400+ responses.
If you haven’t yet submitted a response, I invite you to do so via the Naming page. Results are public but are anonymous unless you choose to share your personal name(s). Things are a little mom-heavy right now, but I encourage parents (and grandparents) of all genders to participate!
(I have made some small edits below, mostly punctuation, for brevity and clarity.)
There are, unsurprisingly, lots of “Mom,” “Mommy,” “Mama,” “Dad,” “Daddy,” and “Papa,” occasionally with a first name or initial added. That doesn’t mean there’s not a story to tell, as these people related:
When talking to our infant son, my partner and I consistently referred to me as Mommy, and my partner as Mama. 20 years later, he still calls us Mommy and Mama (except when he’s frustrated and really wants to get our attention—then he brings out the first names). I had wanted to be Mommy because it transfers better to Mom as kids get older (and as the non-bio parent, I wanted to have a parental name that would last a lifetime). However, at 20, he shows no sign of dropping either name, so the joke’s on me!
Instead of coming up with ideas, we keep it original. The kid knows we’re both fathers, but he uses our names because it’s less confusing.
In Arabic, Mama is the only natural choice. So, as a native Arabic speaker, that’s my partner. As the native English speaker, I liked Mama too, but if we wish to distinguish ourselves (just easier for everyone), then Mommy seemed like the best-fitting other name, so Mommy for me it is…. Right now, we’re still training those around us to get used to these names and roles (which has its own importance and function for shaping how others see us and our family) and our son is too young still to say either of them, so we’ll see how he ultimately exercises his choice in the matter!
Sometimes names can change, as in these families:
We started parenting first as foster parents…. In the last ten years we’ve had 16 kids come and go through our home and four stay forever. Sometimes I am just Mama and sometimes Meggie and sometimes both and increasingly “MOM” as our adopted kids get older. My wife is Bubbie to all of our kids. She introduced herself as this to our foster kiddos and it has stuck. She is neither Jewish or a grandmother but somehow this is her name!
I’m a non-binary parent afab who is the bio-parent…. After much debate I decided to go with Baba although I kind of wanted to just be Dad. My wife wanted to be Mama. When they were around 2 our twins started calling us Mamo and Babo after a song. Lately they have been calling me Dad, too, or referring to me as their Dad with others.
As that story indicates, and these show, too, sometimes the kids chose the names, accidentally or on purpose:
Our son chose to call me mommo at about 18 months old…. I called him baby-o and buddy-o, so I think that’s why I became mom-o. Our daughter just called us what my son already did.
When I would come home from work, my wife would announce ‘Mama Tara Is Home,’ and when our daughter was learning to talk, she shortened it to Mataya, and it is my favorite word in the world.
[I go by] Mr. Mom. I’m femme nonbinary, and didn’t realize it or come out until my kids were teens. They adapted quickly, have been super supportive, and made up my new name.
Our kid’s other bio-parent and my sweet wife transitioned and our kid started calling her Momz pretty early on after she came out…. She was always the more maternal of the two of us from the start. We really let the kid decide what honorifics they wanted to bestow on us.
[I am a] non-binary gestational parent…. My kids were 3 and 7 when I started transitioning, so I wanted them to have a say in the term…. I finally heard someone else say they use ‘Otter’ as a pun off of ‘other parent.’ I thought it was cute and it won over my 7-year-old (who was the holdout on many other options) because she loves puns.
Many parents drew on their heritage, with names including “Nimama” (Cree/Michif for “my mother”), ”Maman,” (French for “Mother”), “Pabbi” (Icelandic for “Daddy”), “Papou“ (French, short for “Papounet,” a nickname for “dad”), “Mutti” (German for “Mom”), “Papa” (German for “Father”), “Ima” (and “Eema” and “Eemah”; Hebrew for “Mother”), “Anya” (Hungarian for “Mother”), and “Papá” (Spanish for “”Dad).
Nonbinary parents also tapped into their heritage:
I am Mapa due to combining the French maman and papa to represent my non-binary identity.
I came out as non-binary when my kids were hitting their tween years, so they asked to rename me…. We chose the word “tuiste” … it is Gaelic for parent.
I’m a trans non-binary single adopter from Wales. ‘Mamtad’ is a combination of the Welsh words for mother and father.
[I am a] transmasc nonbinary parent. [I use] Mado, shortened from ‘amado,’ meaning ‘beloved’ in Portuguese.
Nonbinary parents created parental names in other ways, too:
I’m non-binary…. I finally settled on Pompom, a combination of Papa and Mom… My girls were 7 & 9 when I asked them to make the switch. They were a little slow to adopt, but they call me it more and more. Definitely euphoria.
I didn’t want to be called Mommy or Daddy, so we came up with a creative solution: Nomie. A mixture of nonbinary and mommy!
I’m a non binary trans person who is a single parent. I thought that I’d always be mama before I came out but ended up going with fommy because it was a mix of mommy and father which I am both.
Zaza is what my baby calls me, and is the parent title others use to refer to me when speaking with my children. Father/Dad are for more formal settings. I am the parent who gave birth to our youngest.
Everyone I know calls me Tigger, an old camp counselor name that stuck. So the kids were introduced to me as Tigger. I’m nonbinary and masc presenting so ‘mom’ or any derivatives didn’t feel right. I don’t identify as male so ‘dad’ felt wrong. The kids call me Tigger, but I’m ‘their Tigger’ so it’s more like a parent term then just my name.
I’m a nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns and dabbles in both masc and fem presentation…. After I gave birth I got worried as none of the titles for nonbinary parents felt right. Eventually I went with my gut and now I’m Dad (both children called me Dada for the longest time but more recently it’s been Dad) and my Latino partner is Papá.
I love ze/hir/hirs pronouns, but mostly use they/them since they’re more familiar, so I felt like Zaze (pronounced Zazee) was perfect when I was considering gender-neutral parent names.
[I am a] genderqueer, masc, non-bio parent…. My wife breastfed and I gave bottles. The title of “bottle mom” slowly turned into “Baba Mama” and then eventually Baba…. Now all my daughter’s friends and teachers call me Baba. It is like I’m everyone’s Baba, and I love it!
Sometimes social pressure played a part:
I was automatically mom (as cis female who carried the pregnancy). My non-binary afab partner would have liked to be called Dad, but didn’t think family/friends/public would support it. So we made a huge list of possible titles with a masculine tilt and Mo won. It was much harder for us to determine my partner’s title than it was to name our child!
One person shared their feelings about being mis-named (but having their kid stand up for them):
I’m a non-binary, non-gestational parent of a toddler. We decided early on that I’d be known as their parent, par-par for short…. I am the primary caretaker for our kid, so I’m out in the world with them a lot. People constantly refer to me as their mom. Recently they have started correcting people: “That’s not mom, that’s Par-par! Mom is at work!” It’s funny and cute when they respond that way but also annoying to be constantly mis-identified in that way.
And one person also noted how a parental name may provide important affirmation of identity in the world at large:
My parent name (‘Aba’) means ‘dad’ in Hebrew…. Especially since I’m still read as female most of the time, having a more masculine-coded parent title helps be a counterpoint to the song of constant misgendering when other people refer to me as ‘mom’ or some variation.
LGBTQ parental names, as these examples show, are as varied, creative, and intersectional as our community itself—and deserve the same care in their use as we’ve come to give pronouns.
What’s in a name? Our pride, our joy, and our selves.
