Whether you call yourself Mom, Mama, Mommy, Maman, Mamá, Mami, Momo, Momily, MaPa, Baba, Maddy, or any other parental name, if you want to rejoice in your parental identity today (even more than you do any other day), go for it!
We queer moms are a varied lot, who include gestational moms, nongestational moms, genetic moms, nongenetic moms, adoptive moms, birth moms, surrogate moms, foster moms, step moms, gestational moms, chosen moms, lesbian moms, bisexual moms, transgender women who took on the title “mom” as they transitioned (though not all do), transgender men who prefer the title “mom” (though not all do), gay men (not all, of course) who feel like they fit better into what has traditionally been seen as the mother’s role in parenting (though some may prefer to see this as the broadening of a father’s role), relatives or friends who became mother figures to a child, feminine moms, masculine moms, androgynous moms, nonbinary moms, genderfluid moms, moms who prefer no label, and more. Our parental titles, clearly, may align with our gender identities or offer complement or contrast to them.
We may be coupled, single, polyamorous, separated, divorced, or co-parenting with one or more non-romantic partners. We are sometimes the same race, ethnicity, or religion as our children, and sometimes not. We have different physical abilities. We may be neurodiverse. Our children may be living with us or not. They may be alive or may have passed from this life. We may be employed outside the home full time, part time, or not at all, by choice or circumstance. We are rich, poor, and in between. We are moms of one, two, or many. We’re combinations of the above and a joyously varied lot (and I’m sure I missed some variations).
Our relationships with our own mothers (for those of us who have or had them) may be as varied as our identities. Sometimes our mothers are our closest confidants; other times, our relationships with them are so fraught that Mother’s Day brings pain rather than joy. Sometimes our mothers have passed away, bringing pain of another kind to this day. All of our experiences are valid.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can seem to underscore, too, that LGBTQ families are different—but that’s no reason not to celebrate one parent or more on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or any other day that is meaningful to us. We’re a diverse bunch who came into our parenthood in various ways, so our festivities should be similarly various. (And why not have more excuses to eat cake?)
I’ve long felt, too, that the entire time between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day forms a sort of “parental holiday season” that should be used to revel in the wide diversity of families, even if we also use those holidays to honor particular members of our own.
This “spirit of the season” is one of the reasons I created the annual LGBTQ Families Day to be held on the first weekday of June, which falls on June 3 this year. Not only is it the start of Pride Month, but it sits roughly midway between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—honoring both, but reminding us that not all families fit neatly into those two days. I hope you’ll post something on social media in celebration and support of our families on that day, such as a family photo, a picture of an inclusive kids’ book that you like, a message of affirmation, or simply one of the event graphics. Or celebrate the day in your community or home in whatever way feels right for you.
Today, though, is Mother’s Day, though, so here’s to all who claim this day. However and whomever you are honoring, or if you choose not to mark the occasion for reasons of self-care, may your day be filled with joy and love.
