More than 40% of married same-sex couples under age 50 want children or additional children, according to a new study from UCLA’s Williams Institute—but it also found a gap between many participants’ “ideal” path to family building and their “likely” path, with the main barrier being cost.
Overview
The study, “Parenting Among Married Same-Sex Couples: Experiences, Aspirations, and Barriers,” by Professor Abbie Goldberg of Clark University, an affiliated scholar at the Williams Institute, used data from a sample of 263 married same-sex couples under age 50 from around the U.S. Some already had children, both minors and grown, by various means; others did not. (See full study for numbers.) Forty-one percent wanted a child or additional child, with similar percentages of cisgender men (39%), cisgender women (41%), and transgender participants (43%) asserting this.
More than a quarter of all participants (28%) said that getting married increased their interest in parenthood, 5% said they weren’t sure, 5% said it’s complicated, and 63% said that it had not affected their interest. Some saw the stability and security of marriage as important to children, while others were unsure of its impact. Goldberg observed in a statement, “For same-sex couples, the historical unavailability of marriage, combined with the distinct challenges and considerations in forming families, can make the connection between marriage and parenthood unique and complex.”
Ideal vs. Likely Paths
Notably, too, the study found that while 61% of participants saw biological pathways to parenthood (e.g., insemination, surrogacy, and in vitro fertilization (IVF)), as “ideal,” versus nonbiological options like adoption (36%), more participants (51%) said they were likely to pursue adoption or foster care instead of biological parenthood (41%).
The assessment of parenthood pathways varied by gender and gender identity, however. Cisgender men were much more likely (64%) to say that adoption was their most likely path, compared to cisgender women (22%) and trans people (29%). And 24% of cisgender women said fostering was their most likely path, versus 6% of cisgender men and 9% of trans people.
The discrepancy between ideal and likely paths, the study found, may reflect financial considerations. The main barrier to family building was cost (79%), participants said. After costs, other barriers included not having a needed component (sperm, egg, or uterus; 32%), concerns about discrimination (30%) or health insurance coverage (25%), and health challenges (19%). Some participants also worried about the costs of raising children, not just having them.
I believe it is important not interpret the findings as meaning that biological parenthood is somehow objectively more “ideal” and fostering/adoption is a secondary or lesser choice. They are both perfectly valid and worthy paths to parentage, and what is “ideal” is a matter for each prospective parent and couple to decide for themselves. (Goldberg herself does not imply that adoption/fostering is lesser; I just see a potential for others to misinterpret her work.) What we can take away from this, though, is a need to address a plethora of barriers to many ways of LGBTQ family building.
Legal Parentage or Lack Thereof
The study also found that 40% of participants said they were not legal parents to all of their children, and 44% said their partners were not. Most of these said they were stepparents without legal recognition, some said they didn’t have access to legal protections when their now-adult children were younger, and others said they had not sought co-parent (second-parent) adoptions for the non-biological parent or that their children had more than two parents.
To me, that finding underscores the legal vulnerability of many children in LGBTQ families, and the need for further information and assistance in this regard. I encourage you to read “LGBTQ Paths to Parentage Security,” a brief guide that GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD Law) and I created, to learn more about why co-parent adoptions, court judgments, or equivalent are important, even for married queer parents, and what your options may be.
Goldberg is one of the leading researchers on LGBTQ families, and I am grateful she continues to add nuance and academic rigor to our understanding of LGBTQ families.
If you’re looking for books to guide you on your own path to parentage, here’s a comparison I did of several titles (including Goldberg’s own)—and you can also filter my Database of LGBTQ Family Books by the “Parenting guide” and “Family creation” tags at any time (or use this link) to see what’s new.
