This book for tweens takes a lighthearted but informational approach to bodies, gender, feelings, health, relationships, consent, and other aspects of puberty in all their sometimes sticky, smelly, and hairy variety. It is inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities (and includes information on binders, tucking, and more for transgender and nonbinary youth).
Gross But Awesome
Author Gina Loveless writes at the very beginning that “This book was written to be as inclusive as possible” and she “wants to make sure as many kids as possible can pick up this book and find themselves in it.” One way she does this is by using a variety of adult caregivers (parents, foster parents, grandparents, etc.) in the examples throughout the book. Another way is by using the terms “assigned male” and “assigned female,” e.g., “For children who were assigned male, the testicles, scrotum, and penis all have their own development stages,” or “In bodies assigned female, on each side of the uterus is an ovary.” Loveless told me in an e-mail that the sensitivity readers for the book included people of “varied genders/identities and sexualities.” Cartoon-like images by Lauri Johnston liven the text and show people with a variety of skin tones.
Chapters cover topics including the development of breasts, testicles, scrotum, and penis; menstruation; and changes in height, body hair, voice, sweat, and acne. Broader health topics are covered in chapters on sleep and nutrition; screen time, technology, and social media; and mental health, confidence, and relationships (including a discussion of consent, harassment, and abuse).
Masturbation is discussed as normal for all genders, and there’s even a bit on female ejaculation. There’s no discussion anywhere of the role of the clitoris, however, although it is shown in a diagram of an assigned female’s genitalia. There’s also no use of the word “vulva,” only “vagina,” which may bother some who note that there’s a difference (“vulva” meaning the outer genitalia and “vagina” meaning the tube between the cervix and the outer parts). The term for everyday use is a matter of some debate, however (see “I Don’t Care About Your Stupid Vulva, It’s All Vagina to Me,” by Lindy West at Jezebel, for example), and “vagina” is certainly the word that is often used (rightly or wrongly) for all of the female genitalia—but given that tweens may encounter other sex-ed books that use “vulva,” a mention of it here might have been useful.
There’s no discussion of sex with other people beyond a couple of in-passing references to “penis-in-vagina intercourse” as a way of reproducing. Consent is discussed using only kissing as an example (aside from noting that “physical or sexual attention that you do not want” is harassment). That feels like a deliberate choice for those who want to introduce topics around puberty and sex gradually, although there are other books for tweens (see below) that do discuss sex with other people. Choose what works for you and your child(ren).
The book doesn’t confine itself to issues of sex and gender, however, but also looks at many other topics related to adolescent well-being. Readers will learn why sleep and nutrition are important and how to develop good habits with both; how to care for one’s mental as well as physical health (and how to identify when one needs help), how to take action to reduce bullying (whether as a bully, victim, or bystander), how to give and receive consent, and why one can’t believe everything one reads or sees on the Internet.
One whole chapter is dedicated to an explanation of gender expression, gender identity, and sexual expression (including those who are asexual and/or agender)—but there is information for and about LGBTQ tweens (and those who aren’t sure if they are) throughout the book. For example, in the chapter on breasts, Loveless observes that “While developing breasts can be really awesome for some tweens,” others don’t feel that way. She also notes that “Many who identify as transgender, or want to minimize the appearance of their breasts, use binders.” She discusses what makes a good one and says they can be found online. At the same time, she recognizes that some transgender tweens “may not have access to these products or may be unable to purchase them,” and suggests layering sports bras or shirts if that’s the case. She also notes that padded bras may be used by girls, including trans ones, who want to make their chests look larger. I love not only that she not only talks about binders, but understands that many factors (financial status; fear of being outed) may impact tweens ability to access them.
Similarly, the chapter on assigned male genitalia notes that their development can be “pretty awesome” for some but not for others. It says that those who aren’t sure if their sex matches their gender identity or expression and want to minimize the appearance of their penis might try “tucking,” with a tight pair of underwear called a “gaff” to keep them in place. As with binders, it suggests ways of doing this to minimize skin irritation and pain.
In the chapter on self-confidence, too, Loveless notes not only that transgender people are at an elevated risk of suicide, but also, positively, that “Transgender tweens and teens who have socially transitioned … have high levels of self worth.”
On the Side
A variety of call-out boxes and special sections throughout the book offer often amusing anecdotes and side notes. Some call-out boxes appear under the header, “Ummm, Is This Weird?” offering Loveless a chance to dive into questions like whether it’s okay to pop pimples or if it’s normal to have hair on one’s breast. Others discuss beliefs related to puberty throughout history and around the world.
Additional call-out boxes include scientific research findings under the header “Wait, They Know About What?” Occasionally, the conclusions Loveless extracts from them seem oversimplified, however. For example, she cites one 2012 study that she says showed “If a father is absent from his family during the time his son is eleven to sixteen years old, the son’s voice breaking is more likely to be delayed.” This could be because “losing their father causes enough stress to impact hormones and delay puberty.” Yet a 2019 study that included the same authors cautioned that if one looks at all 12 studies done till then on father absence and the timing of puberty in boys, “Only half of the studies find statistically significant associations, evenly split … between accelerating and delaying associations.”
In another example, she cites a study that she says shows: “If your family let you watch a lot of television when you were between two and five years old, and especially if any of that content was violent, you have a higher likelihood of being a bully.” Yet that study also showed, as its authors write, that “Maternal socio-demographic characteristics (i.e. maternal age, education, income, marital status) appear to be the underlying factors associated with both children’s excessive television exposure and bullying involvement…. Our findings demonstrate that a child’s risk of bullying involvement in early elementary school that is associated with preschool television exposure is largely explained by confounding factors—primarily maternal socio-demographic characteristics.” It therefore wasn’t the television watching per se that caused the greater chance of bullying. The study was also conducted in one city in the Netherlands, so we should use caution before assuming its results hold for other geographic regions.
Perhaps these nuances are too much to explain in side-boxes—but they still make some of the boxes feel a little misleading, especially when presented to young people who may not realize that one study does not make a law of nature.
Front and Center
Despite my reservations about some of the call-out boxes, however, those are minor parts overall, and don’t take away from my recommendation of the whole volume as an inclusive, informative, body-positive, and fun look at many aspects of the often-confusing changes of puberty. The book is colorful and well-designed, with text that remains conversational without feeling cutesy or patronizing, and is likely to appeal to tweens of many identities.
