A helpful, supportive guide to pregnancy, birth, and the first days of parenthood, inclusive of birthing people of all genders and sexual identities. Written by two birth doulas, but intended for anyone whether they use a doula or not, the book covers both emotional and physical considerations, always reminding the reader to listen to their own body, feelings, and circumstances.
Authors Natalia Hailes and Ash Spivak offer suggestions and exercises on how to check in with one’s body and feelings, but stay away from saccharinity with a conversational tone and the occasional blunt heading (e.g., “Your Emotions Are Telling You Important Shit”). They also give a detailed overview of what goes on in a pregnant body, not only in the reproductive organs, pelvis, and chest/breasts, but also in other areas (Did you know that one’s blood volume increases almost 50 percent during pregnancy?) And although they are doulas and include a couple of pages on what doulas do, they do not push readers to get one, focusing instead on readers’ power to choose their own birthing team, whoever that might be. (They do, however, bust the myth that doulas are only for the rich, noting that many insurance policies now cover them and that there are also low- and -no-cost doula programs in some locations.)
A whole chapter is dedicated to “The Prenatal What-ifs,” in which they address many of the worries pregnant people might have, such as “What if … I have a 72-hour labor?” or “What if … I’m told I need a C-section?” Then it’s on to “The Postpartum What-ifs,” such as “What if … I don’t have enough milk?” “What if … I can’t stand my in-laws?” “What if … I get postpartum depression?” and the overarching “What if … I irreversibly mess up my baby?” The authors reassure with information about the range of things new babies may do and what parents should expect, along with ways to self-evaluate one’s own emotional state.
A final chapter offers helpful summaries of the top tips from the book, including lists of questions to ask hospitals and care providers, symptoms and phases of labor, ways to cope with labor, tips for breast/chest feeding and caring for your postpartum body, “Weird baby stuff that’s totally normal,” and more. There’s also a page for partners about both how to support the birthing person and how to bond with the baby themselves.
And yes, the authors use terms like “birther,” “birthing person,” and “breast/chest feeding” throughout, to be inclusive of all genders of pregnant people. There’s also a section specific to the additional hurdles LGBTQ people may face, written by birth practitioners and spouses Morgane Richardson and Alexandra Garcia. They offer suggestions for dealing with homophobic birthing staff or family, handling intrusive questions about how one got pregnant, the stress of extra financial burdens and paying for a second-parent adoption, connecting with the baby as a non-gestational parent, and more.
While Richardson and Garcia’s advice is generally helpful (if brief), their information on birth certificates and confirmatory (second-parent) adoptions could be clarified. It’s not exactly true that “some states recognize LGBTQ+ parents named on the birth certificate” while others do not. All states recognize birth parents, LGBTQ+ or not, on a birth certificate. It’s the nonbiological/nongestational parent who risks non-recognition. It might also have been useful to note that since the landmark Obergefell U.S. Supreme Court ruling in 2015, even states that do not permit second-parent adoptions will grant stepparent adoptions to married nonbiological parents—important legal protections despite the inappropriateness of the term “stepparent” here.
The book is not primarily dedicated to LGBTQ-specific issues, though, even though it is admirably inclusive of LGBTQ folks in all of the material that pertains generally to pregnant people. That’s not a criticism, just a heads up; LGBTQ people may also want to look at an LGBTQ-specific book on pregnancy for deeper dives on the social and legal differences they may encounter. Also, the book does not cover getting pregnant in any way; if you’re looking for advice on that, try the LGBTQ-specific guides. Nevertheless, there are few if any other guides to pregnancy and the early postpartum period that are as inclusive of LGBTQ people—and it just happens to be informative, supportive, and non-preachy as well. Highly recommended.
