(Many of you here in the bloggitysphere know of LGBT group blog The Bilerico Project. Founder Bil Browning was kind enough to share some of his thoughts on parenting and family with me—and now with you. Originally published by Bay Windows, April 18, 2008.)
Long-time LGBT activist Bil Browning is making a name for himself as the founding father of The Bilerico Project, one of the fastest-growing and most diverse LGBT communities online. Bilerico’s 50 contributors across the LGBT spectrum and the country include luminaries from most national LGBT organizations as well as a slew of local activists and other writers. Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank as well as both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have seen fit to post guest contributions there.
Browning and his partner Jerame Davis, who co-owns the site and oversees its technical side, are also fathers to a 14-year-old daughter. How do they balance the demands of managing the site (and consulting for local political campaigns and non-profits) with those of raising a teenager?
Paige came to live with them at age six, when Davis, her biological father, obtained custody. “That changed the entire relationship,” says Browning, who had never envisioned himself as having children. “Suddenly, you can’t be as focused on each other when there’s a six-year-old there that needs a lot of love, too. You have to change some priorities and things you’re doing. It was a pretty radical shift.” He asserts, though, “I don’t think I’d have missed it for the world.”
Now, on a typical day, Browning says, they get up with Paige and he drives her to school. He and Davis work until she comes home and does her chores and homework. By then, it’s time for dinner. “Anything goes” after that, he says, noting “She’s a teenager. Sometimes it’s ‘I’m going to go watch a movie in my room,’ or sometimes it’s ‘Hey, can we watch American Idol together?’”
Paige nevertheless joins her dads in advocating for the LGBT community. “She actually thinks it’s quite fun, except for going to all the boring meetings,” explains Browning, “but when it comes time to rock and roll, Paige is right there with everyone, and she’s darn good at it. She’s probably one of the better advocates here in Indiana, just because she’s able to tell her story, and tell it succinctly, with the ease that only a child can. She’s a favorite among the various LGBT organizations here, which of course makes us very, very proud. That is our family. That’s what we do. We stand up for each other.”
Paige doesn’t spend much time on the Bilerico site, however. Instead, Browning says, “Now that she’s a teen, there is no Web site other than MySpace, just absolutely none.” He stresses, though, that he and Davis have made sure to discuss online safety with her, something he feels more parents should be doing.
Despite their growing fame, Browning insists they are “rather a stay-at-home family.” One of their favorite things to do is to make fun of movies together. “We have this banter down that’s almost like Mystery Science Theater 3000,” he says. Mealtimes have a special place, too. “Dinnertime is one of the times we talk the most. . . . I think we probably talk more than any other family that I know. I think that’s really helpful, especially for Paige.”
Has parenthood changed their approach to advocacy? Browning says they’re more active for LGBT parents and families now. They have made contacts within their local PFLAG group, something that might not have happened otherwise. “I’d have been more involved with direct action groups and that kind of stuff,” he speculates.
“We’ve done the back and forth of ‘Are we super involved, or are we parents?’” he says. “Sometimes you just have to step back a little bit and say, ‘OK, somebody else carry it for a while.” But it’s been a pretty healthy balance.”
There’s not a wall between the two worlds, either. Browning feels that a lot of parenting is about learning to see things from different angles: “That’s kind of our job on the blog, too. That’s why we have so many different contributors whom we’ve sought out for ‘Is this voice maybe not being heard as much as it should be?’”
That diversity of voices is what sets Bilerico apart from many other blogs, even those with multiple contributors. “We all have such vastly different experiences, it’s hard to build community, but it’s a lot easier when you know the people, or at least you’re able to share some of the experiences,” he explains. “Isn’t that what we’re doing with our families, too, on a larger scale? The more you see LGBT families, the more you get to know them, the less weird they are. Progress is made.”
He adds that this holds true within the LGBT community as well. The recent debate over the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) and the place of transgender rights within the larger LGBT movement has shown that perhaps we need to understand our own diversity a little better. He hopes Bilerico will be a platform for doing so.
Dealing with difficult issues is part of being a family, though. “What’s a family?” he asks. “A lot of people getting together because they have something in common, and trying to get along. There are arguments, there are disagreements, there’s everything that’s a part of human interaction.”
His best advice to those raising children, however, is: “Love them like there’s no tomorrow. It’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do in your life. And that love will always be there tomorrow.” One senses that both Paige and The Bilerico Project will continue to thrive and grow.
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