Family Voices XIV

Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Isabel talks about having a mother who came out, the importance of being yourself and letting your children be themselves, and why COLAGE means so much to her.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

The first seven years of my life my family consisted of me, my brother, my mother, and my father. When I was seven years old my parents got divorced and my mother came out as a lesbian. A few months later, my mother’s partner at the time moved in with me, my mother, and my brother, with her three children. A few years later, my mother and her partner at the time adopted a son together. My father has always been part of the picture. My mother is no longer with her partner but they still remain close, as my mother and father have.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

I didn’t really face many challenging things as a child because of my mother. I guess telling some people was a little awkward because you never know how people are going to react, but I didn’t get much negative feedback.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

I think the best thing my mother did was to not make it a big deal. There wasn’t a big discussion about how she was now a lesbian and what that really meant. My father moved out and my stepmother moved in. Thats pretty much how it went.

The most helpful group to me was COLAGE. COLAGE is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. It provided me and my family a safe place to discuss how we feel, and to hear other peoples experiences. I developed many friendships and relationships that will probably last me my whole life. What other kid can say that they love to go away for a week every summer to go to workshops and meeting and teen panels? I don’t know of any.

Anything you wish your parents had done differently in terms of the above?

I don’t think my parents could have done anything diferently. We had six kids in my house growing up and we were all able to tell our friends in our own time, we were able to choose who we told and how much information we gave. I think that was also very important.

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?

I think having an LGBT parent has made me a better person. I think I am much more open-minded to people. The LGBT community that I have been exposed to is the most diverse population I have ever seen. There is such a mix of lifestyles, ages, genders, races, etc. If I wasn’t exposed to this community, I don’t know how I would have turned out, but I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t be as open to diversity.

What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

I think that having an LGBT parent has made me want to be more of an advocate for equal rights for everyone. Not only LGBT people, but people in general. I think that the society that we all live in is always looking for something to classify people; whether it be gender, race, age, or sexuality. Everybody is so judgmental. Having such a diverse family myself, I am more aware of how differently people are treated and it make me want to share my voice with those who are willing to listen.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

To the children I would want to pass on the lesson to not be afraid to be yourselves. It is a very broad statement, but it gives them an opportunity to think about who they are. Your past, your present, and your future make up who you will become. Your family is part of all of these so they definitely shape who you are. Be proud of your family. If you aren’t proud, then that just gives people more of an opportunity to question.

To the parents, let your children be who they are. Just because you are a member of the LGBT community doesn’t mean that your child will want to be an advocate. Let your child choose who they tell and how much they tell. It is their life also. They need to be free to explore and learn on their own time.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

Honestly, when I first because a COLAGEr, I didn’t have a choice. My parents forced me to go to workshops on my vacation. But now, I choose to return to Provincetown every year. I think that COLAGE is so important. I want the next generation to experience what I experienced.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

Sadly, I am not as involved as I would like to be. I have done two documentaries. One was aired in France, and the most recent one was aired in Italy.

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.

I don’t think I can pinpoint one favorite memory of being a COLAGEr. I love every workshop, every scavenger hunt, every bonfire, every dance, and everyone I have met. The entire experience is my favorite memory.