Having one partner who is pregnant can be tough. Two partners who are pregnant at the same time could be even more daunting (though there is always the possibility of sharing maternity wear).
Erin Renzas of Cookie Magazine has taken a look at lesbian partners who have been pregnant at the same time, however. She rightly quotes Terry Boggis, director of family programs at New York City’s LGBT Center, who says this method is “definitely an exception, rather than a rule,” but her article is still an interesting look at one thing lesbian couples can do that other couples can’t—even if we don’t choose to do so very often.
I’ve covered a few such stories myself from time to time, most notably that of celebrity chef Cat Cora and her partner Jennifer. I also reviewed Discovery Health’s “Quads with Two Moms,” which profiled a lesbian couple who each gave birth to twins within a day of each other. (The show will reair July 16.)
Renzas also mentions the slightly more common method of one partner carrying the egg of the other, without both trying to get pregnant. This is in fact the same approach Helen and I used. (Here are the details on how we did so, in case you’re interested.)
There is always the risk of sensationalism when covering such rare ways of creating our families, but Renzas does a good job of avoiding it and giving readers a sense of the emotional and practical sides of lesbian couples trying to get pregnant.
My only quibble is that when she mentions the Massachusetts couple who used one partner’s egg that the other carried, it sounds as if that is the only method whereby both parents can go on the birth certificate. It’s not. In Massachusetts (and a few other states), both moms can go on the birth certificate even if one is biologically unrelated to the child. (Non-bio moms should still consider doing a second-parent adoption, however, as I’ve mentioned ad infinitum, so their parentage is more likely to be recognized in other states.)
Worth a read if only because it’s a nice mainstream article that avoids politics and simply focuses on the ups and downs of starting a family. (Not that there’s anything wrong with politics—I write about it enough myself—but for the vast majority of us, starting a family is less a political statement and more of a personal desire. It’s society that applies the political connotations. Refreshing to see a piece that gets back to the real heart of the matter.)
Sidenote – I carried our baby, who was made with my partner’s egg. Shout out for IVF! ;-)
Now, the real comment: I certainly would not criticize any couple’s choice of how to go about making their baby but, having recently been pregnant, that whole simultaneous pregnancy things seems very impractical to me.
Two main questions come to mind: Who empties the litter box? (They’re lesbians. You know there’s a litter box.) And who is left to be the sane one?
We toyed with the idea of trying to get pregnant at the same time – I thought it would be no big deal; my partner refused. I’m SOOOO glad she refused to participate – with just one pregnancy between us felt like we really shared something. I imagine the experience would be totally different if you were each obsessed with your own pregnancy.
ROFL. Hadn’t thought about the litter box thing, but you’re SO right.
Only one of us (me) has had any desire to be pregnant, which has made that decision incredibly easy. With our son, I wondered if my wife would change her mind after going through the first delivery, but it only made her more sure of her decision.
Even though I was the only pregnant one, cleaning the litterbox had always been my job and was too much for my wife–though she was a real trooper with diapers. So we had a petsitter come do a complete cleaning once a week (and play with our dog some too). She even came and took care of our dog on short notice when we were at the hospital for delivery, free of charge.
The next time around, we won’t have to worry about a cat anymore, and I’m hoping to prevail on our dog-friendly neighbor for the other part.
Our pregnancies overlapped – my wife was 20 weeks pregnant when I got pg (via IVF #3) with twins. It was certainly an adventure… and not one I really recommend. We managed the litter box easily enough – mask & gloves. We managed me not puking during the birth of our son. I did say “Thank God I am pg now, b/c if I had seen this part before, I am not sure I could’ve gone through with it myself” What can I say? I’m a wuss. I think the hardest part was that I wasn’t fully able to be there for her in her last trimester – to pamper her. I was nauseous & uncomfortable – I couldn’t be the wife I would’ve liked to have been during those last few weeks when she could have used someone to rub her feet or go get her icecream at 1am. I am happy I experienced pregnancy – I love how we created our family. It was challenging at the time… but now, I love that our kids, our Trio, are so close in age – so being pg at the same time has its perks too.
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I know this post is old, but I am going to comment anyway. I have been trying to talk my partner into a dual pregnancy, and she is refusing. Mostly for selfish reasons since she’s afraid she won’t be spoiled even though deep down I am confident she knows i would never let her go without, especially pregnant! overall she Thinks the idea is more “weird” and i think its truly ingenious. considering i’ve already been pregnant myself once before i know how i am going to react and i was extremely low maintenance. my take on it is that i have a job where i can’t take time off of work constantly for appointments that aren’t mine, yet if we were both pregnant we’d be going together. Not to mention getting to share maternity leave together. my main take on it is that with both of us pregnant i wouldn’t be missing out on things that i couldn’t be there for otherwise. now what’s so weird about that? I’m sure the decision impacts every couple differently, and you can only do what works for your family. Either way, There’s my take on it!