Many of you may have already seen the video of the eight-year-old son of a lesbian mom, who confronted presidential candidate Michele Bachmann, telling her, “my mommy’s gay but she doesn’t need fixing.” The remark seemed to have flustered Bachmann. But gay dad and columnist Dan Savage writes that, “We shouldn’t use our kids like this,” even if the child wants to say something. He explains that we should not go the route of the opponents of equality, who “use small children as props in their misleading commercials and at their hate rallies all the time.”
Based on the comment thread on his post, folks are of many opinions on this one. I think Savage has a point—we do need to be careful not to “use” our kids for political purposes. But I have an eight-year-old myself, who understands that our family is not treated equally. If he truly felt like he wanted to confront an opponent of equality, and it was his own initiative, I’m not sure if I would stop him. (This would depend on the particular circumstances, of course, and if I thought there would be any negative repercussions—threats, harassment at school, etc.—of his speaking out.) At the same time, I would never ask him to say anything while he’s still a child. Talking about his family has to be something he does on his own, in his own time.
What are your thoughts on this? Have your kids ever spoken up for LGBT equality, and at what age? Did you support them doing so?
I agree with you, Dana, as I have a 9 year old who LOVES to speak her mind. As long as she is a )well informed and b) respectful, I’m all for it.
I did not like the perceived coercion of that little boy in the video. Made me sad for him. Plus, he had to shake “her” hand. Ick! :)
I read Dan’s comments, and non-LGBT parents comments on the issue. I tend to agree with the source of the motivation/expression. In teaching my 6 year old the confidence and boundaries needed in today’s world, I try not to silence his voice when the limits are appropriate.
I was at the Iowa State Fair over the Summer, and looked for Michelle et al – in this case my son would have had to ‘take a number’ behind me.
It will be our children that carry the ultimate truth of gay parenting, and while 8 may seem young, all kids mature at different rates. The Right should get use to Zach W, this young girl, and others, since the voices will be multiplied a million fold in the next 10 years.
If it’s coming from the kid’s own motivation, then a kid of any age should be able to speak up. Because the alternative is teaching a kid, “Our family is just as good as anyone else’s. But keep your mouth shut about it.”
Especially in this era when so many kids, from preschool onwards, are taught to speak up when someone is being bullied rather than be a silent bystander — I think it’s important our kids know we will support them in that.
I was a kid who had a lot of opinions, and very little hesitation in sharing them. If some well-intentioned adult had tried to prevent me from expressing myself, I would have lost it.
In fact, my first independent memory of political activism was going with my parents to an annual picnic hosted by a member of Congress from our state. On the way there, my parents were discussing his vote against funding for school busing for desegregation purposes. When we got to the front of the meet and greet line, I told him that I thought the government should pay for school busing because I took the bus every day and I liked it.
I was 8.
Having done a fair amount of media work from a young age (I was in a book about gay marriage at 10), I think that folks are underestimating children’s ability to understand the world around them. In particular kids who grow up with gay parents are forced by our intolerant society to defend their families on a daily basis, so we grow up confronting adult concerns much earlier than others. People asked me all the time how my parents has sex, they asked me about my own preferences before i’d gone through puberty, I debated adults regularly on my family’s right to exist. While I think parents should definitely follow their children’s lead on how vocal or active they want to be in the community, I have no doubt that an eight year old could of their own volition decide to take on a politician. The politicians on the other hand need to start picking on people their own size!
In a perfect world our kids would not need to stand up and speak for us. However, when children feel compelled, of their own volition, to speak out I am not sure we shoudl stop them (barring some sort of dangerous circumstances etc). I am glad that Zach Wahls’ moms did not stop him but I look forward to a world in which our kids don’t feel the need to stick up for us.
http://lucyhallowell.blogspot.com/2011/12/not-horrible-warning-i-hope.html