Young adults with lesbian moms and male donors are generally happy with their relationships with the donors, a new study has found. Most do not view their donors as dads, but some still have a growing interest in seeing them more often than when they were younger.
The study, “Donor, Dad, or…? Young Adults with Lesbian Parents’ Experiences with Known Donors,” in the journal Family Process, is by Abbie E. Goldberg, Williams Institute Visiting Scholar and Associate Professor of Psychology at Clark University, and Katherine R. Allen, Professor of Human Development at Virginia Tech. Mombian readers may know Goldberg from her many other articles on LGBT families or her book Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle
Goldberg and Allen found that the young adults in their study saw their relationships with their male donors in one of three ways: as donors but not members of their family; as extended family members but not parents; and (the fewest number) as fathers. Even those who viewed their donors as fathers, however, saw them as “tertiary to their primary mothers,” according to a press release.
And even some of those in the first two groups showed a growing interest in seeing their donors more often as they got older. This “indicates a turning point in the participants’ identity that emerges in late adolescence or young adulthood. These individuals may be experiencing greater independence from their mothers, which enables them to craft their own relationships with their donors.” (Say what you will about The Kids Are All Right
The takeaways?
Among other findings, the study suggests that therapists should allow all family members to define their relationships to one another, and not presume the nature or meaning of terms like “mother” and “father,” especially in the context of lesbian-mother families that utilized known donors. Further, the study also suggests that therapists should be sensitive to the possibility that young adulthood may represent an important time for further identity exploration, especially in terms of relationship formation, and that young adults with lesbian mothers may express particular interest in their known donors during this period.
I’d say that’s good advice for anyone interacting with children of LGBT parents, including teachers, coaches, faith leaders, and the like. (The authors are writing for other professionals in their field, so obviously their focus is on therapists—but I think their conclusions may have wider applicability.)
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