Brandy and Susan of The Next Family recently shared their story about what their kids call them—so I thought it was time to repost the survey of parenting names that I’ve been collecting since 2011. Add your names!
Last year, I did a roundup of some of the ways of picking names that people have used. Here are a few additional name stories that have come in since then.
Some were concerned about the lack of name choices for nonbiological parents:
I am the bio mom for our sons, but without my wife’s initiative, support, and drive the pregnancy would have never happened. We have fraternal (non-identical) twin boys. One resembles me in coloring and temperament, and the other my wife. When they were infants and one of us was alone with the boys, strangers would invariable ask if the son who didn’t look like the mom took after the dad. Perhaps osmosis works on genes during pregnancy.
All this to say – we need a better word for the non-bio mom. We cannot use the lack of something or a negative to define such an important person.
I ask for there to be a call for an affirmative name for the non-bio parent. Someone in this community must have a good alternative!
Others found solutions that worked for them:
We decided that, in order to strengthen perceptions of my motherhood given that I am not the biological parent of the baby we nevertheless conceived together, I should have the legitimacy of the socially recognized mother name, pronounced in Spanish, which is the language I speak with our baby. My partner, who gave birth, goes by a name we made up that has the “m” sound but a vowel distinguishable from that of “mamá”: “momo”.
Some let their kids lead, like these dads:
Marc is German so the boys called him Papá and me Daddy. Since they grew up in rural Georgia, USA, they soon realised that Papá was weird so they started callings us both Dad at school and other social situations. When they want to get our attention at home I am still Dad and Marc is still Papá. They do refer to us as their Dads. It is completely normal to them, but we have had a few strange moments when they have introduced us to the girls they are dating.
…and these moms:
We planned to be Mama and Mommy but we couldn’t keep it straight and the kids liked Mama Chris and Mama Suz. As they have gotten older, it is often just easier to get the right mom by saying our first name–sometimes people think this is disrespectful but really not, just efficient. To others, they talk about their moms.
Some took time getting used to a parenting label:
I had a real hard time adopting any sort of “mom” related label for various reasons, but these days I love hearing my son say “Mama” when referring to me, and it fits me. Being a parent has made me feel a lot braver about being myself and living honestly, because my wife and son love me, so who gives a f*** about anyone else?!
Others reminded us not to forget about sibling relationships:
Our son’s birth mother’s daughters are our son’s “rainbow sisters.”
The whole spreadsheet is here, so you can see how others have responded. Please do not reproduce it or use it for commercial purposes. Make sure to go see Brandy and Susan’s video, too.
(Also, I initially created this spreadsheet while thinking about same-sex parents—an artifact of my own position as part of a same-sex couple—but now I realize I should open it up to the whole wide world of LGBTQ parents. I hope people from across the spectrum will add their parenting names!)
