Not all LGBTQ families in the U.S. live in the queer-friendly enclaves of our northern coasts. LGBTQ families in the heartland share their stories of challenges and love in Hulu’s new documentary We Live Here: The Midwest, premiering tomorrow. Learn more and watch a trailer here.
We Live Here: The Midwest, directed by Melinda Maerker and produced by her and David Clayton Miller, shares the stories of LGBTQ families in five states across the Midwest. Maerker, a lesbian from Ohio, and Miller, a gay dad raising three children with his husband (director and writer Ryan Murphy), let the families (and sometimes extended relatives and friends) speak frankly about the difficulties they have faced and how they have found strength.
Nia is a trans woman raising five kids with her spouse Katie. The two have known each other since second grade in Des Moines, and later married and had five kids there. Katie found joy in preaching at their church—but the church expelled them after Nia transitioned. “I desperately miss the church,” Katie says, even as she seeks to find a place for herself within the queer community.
The two also talk about how they explained Nia’s transition to their kids, who say they “adapted pretty quickly.”
Yet in the state overall, Nia says, it feels that the trans community is “not seen—at all—as humans, as people who have lives and kids.”
She observes, “It seems like on a daily basis, our state does not want us here as queer individuals.”
Katie reflects, “Do we stay and fight or do we go somewhere? But where do you go where putting down roots is acceptable, where there’s stability and safety? Because it does feel like at any moment, anywhere, it could change.”
Monte and Mario are a gay couple raising an infant daughter in Nebraska. “We are probably one out of three Black families, let alone gay families,” notes Monte.
Mario, too, was expelled from his role in the church, where he served as music director, when his marriage to Monte became known. He then joined the Air Force, where he serves in the Air Force Band, and was stationed in Nebraska.
While Monte was skeptical of how they would be received there, the couple have found that overall, they’ve been “very accepted.” The neighbors are “great people,” although as Trump supporters, there are political differences. Despite this, they have found a certain trust, and Mario even gives the neighbor’s kid piano lessons.
Courtney and Denise live on a goat farm in Kansas with their grown son Marek. When he was younger, they began homeschooling him after he was aggressively bullied and the school’s response was, “Well, what do you expect?”
Marek feels “I certainly share some midwestern values,” like being polite, kind, and helpful. Yet Marek, who is bisexual, also observes, “I feel like if I didn’t have lesbian parents, I would probably be a little bit more close minded. I would definitely not be as open about myself.”
Courtney notes, “If we’re good people, we’re good people. And there’s nothing different about who we are. I mean, we’re just two parents and a child growing up in the Midwest.”
In Ohio, where choir teacher Russ lives with his husband Mark, Russ has worked hard to make classroom and the school a safe place for LGBTQ youth. Several LGBTQ students speak in the film about the importance of his example and his support for them.
Their community, Russ says, is still behind in its thinking, and is just “coming into the 1998 frame of mind.” He notes that “Change is difficult, but when kids’ lives are on the table, you have to make the change.”
Jenn and Debb, both trans women with children from previous marriages, live in Minnesota. Debb believes that her two sons are “wildly transphobic,” but Jenn and her ex-wife, despite some difficult times, have worked hard to bring Jenn back into the kids’ life. She says, “I am now dad to my daughters again.”
For her part, Debb relates, “Jenn’s daughters are my daughters for all intents and purposes. They treat me unexpectedly well.”
“Our world is changing whether people like it or not,” observes Jenn’s daughter Kayla.
Also in the film, Minnesota State Representative Heather Keeler says, “It’s amazing to me as a public elected official the amount of threats I get just for serving in the capacity of who I am … an Indigenous queer woman sitting at the table.”
Being a mother is part of what drives her, she explains: “I wanted to be a mom that could look my kids in the eyes and say, ‘I actively did everything I could to make this world a better place for you.’”
And she notes that while “Marriage equality did a lot for us,” now “We’re missing the acceptance of the family structure, what our legal rights are with families.” (For more on that, see this post.)
Keeler also reflects, “I think if we can work in our school systems and in those younger spaces to be more loving and accepting of all kinds of families, we teach our next generation to be more kind and inclusive to each other, and that’s how we really make the shift.”
This thoughtful documentary is a must-see, not only for LGBTQ families, but also for anyone wanting to support children across the U.S. and help our nation become a better place for all. Watch the trailer below and catch the whole documentary starting Wednesday, December 6, on Hulu.