Hope and Help for Queer Families After the Election

The election of Donald Trump to a second term as president feels like a body blow. The danger of his policies to LGBTQ and other marginalized people is real. Nevertheless, there are actions LGBTQ parents can take now to protect and support our families—and there are a few things that are giving me hope.

One thing LGBTQ parents should do immediately is to have secure legal protections in place. This is especially important for nongestational and nongenetic parents, whose legal relationships with their children may still be called into question, even if they are married and on their children’s birth certificates. Because of bias and discrimination, both married and unmarried LGBTQ parents are advised by LGBTQ legal experts to have the security of a court judgment, not just a birth certificate, to protect their child-parent relationships no matter where they may move or travel. Visit lgbtqparentage.org for a brief guide that GLAD Law and I created which explains the options you may have and offers straightforward answers to common questions about securing your parentage.

Wills, powers of attorney, and healthcare proxies are also critical to protect LGBTQ families more broadly. Trans parents may have additional legal needs and concerns; see the Trans Survival Guide from Advocates for Trans Equality for more information. For all of the above, it is important to get advice from someone well versed in LGBTQ family law in your specific state. If you need legal assistance, the National LGBTQ+ Bar Association maintains a Family Law Attorney Directory of experienced LGBTQ family law practitioners. Additionally, several major LGBTQ legal organizations offer helplines that can address questions, provide attorney referrals, and direct you further:

Don’t forget that you’re not alone. We’re facing this as a community. Whether in-person or online, we can support each other and share both our challenges and joys. And every LGBTQ, civil rights, and reproductive rights organization I know is ready to assist, both in advocating for our rights and in connecting us with resources.

As parents, we can ourselves assist our kids (of relevant age) process their feelings around the election and what they may be hearing from peers, the news, or online sources. We can listen to their concerns and remind them that when bullies win, the good people try harder; that change takes time, but we will always love and support them; and that we and they are part of a strong and vibrant LGBTQ community with a history of resilience and resistance. Those with children old enough can start (or continue) age-appropriate conversations about democracy, activism, social justice, and more, helping the next generation of citizens develop core values and be informed and engaged.

We can also get involved with LGBTQ and other social justice organizations (on an ongoing basis or for individual events), volunteer for political campaigns (midterms will be here before we know it), and continue speaking out for our families in our neighborhoods, school board meetings, and other local venues. And there are more personal ways to make a difference as well, reaching out to those in our communities who may need assistance in navigating today’s uncertain currents. We shouldn’t try to do everything—but it is incumbent upon us to do something.

It’s okay to ask for help, too. At the very least, don’t forget to take a break once in a while. Spend extra time in the park with your kids, or give them some extra screen time while you read a novel. If you don’t have the luxury of spare time, do what you can to catch your breath—turn off the news and turn on some music while you commute or go to the grocery store, for example.

Remember, too, that there are sparks of hope. The election also saw many wins for LGBTQ candidates across the country. Notably, Sarah McBride (D-DE) was elected to the U.S. House, becoming the first out transgender person in Congress; Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), who was the first out LGBTQ woman elected to Congress and then the first out LGBTQ person elected to the Senate, won reelection; and Sharice Davids (D-KS), who was one of the first two Native Americans and the first out LGBTQ Native American elected to Congress, was reelected to the U.S. House.

Looking just at LGBTQ parents, more than three dozen of us won election or reelection around the country, including Becca Balint (D-VT) and Angie Craig (D-MN), who were reelected to the U.S. House; and Aime Wichtendahl (D), who will become the first out transgender person to serve in Iowa’s state legislature. LGBTQ parents even won state legislative seats in some states that Trump won, and won city, county, judicial, and school board seats in several states. (For a fuller list, see my earlier post.)

Our community still has a voice. We have our families, we have each other, and we’ll get through this together. Sending you love and strength for the days ahead.

Originally published as my Mombian newspaper column.