Colonel Forced to Leave Military by Trans Ban Says Her Kids Are Worried About Their Future

U.S. Space Force Colonel Bree Fram, a decorated officer with more than 20 years of service, is being kicked out of the military simply for being trans. She’s also a parent, and has spoken about the negative impact of the administration’s anti-trans policy on her family.

Fram is the highest-ranking out transgender officer in the Department of Defense. She is an astronautical engineer who began her service in the Air Force, and most recently served as director of requirements and integration for the Space Force. She has served in a Research and Development command position and an oversight role for all Air Force security cooperation activity with Iraq, per her website, and earlier served in the Air Force Directorate of Strategic Plans, as a Legislative Fellow for Congresswoman Madeleine Bordallo at the U.S. Capitol, as a program manager for satellite and technology programs, and was deployed to Qatar and Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom. In other words, she has extensive and specialized training and experience and will be difficult to replace.

On June 7, however, she was placed on administrative leave pending separation, per the current federal administration’s new policy forbidding transgender people from serving. Her final duty, she shared on Instagram, was to pin medals on three people serving under her.

Fram is also the “maddy” (per her Instagram page) of two children, ages 12 and 16, whom she is raising with Peg, her wife of 20 years. Fram spoke with the New York Times “The Opinion” podcast in March, and said that the administration’s actions were “incredibly difficult” for her family. “My wife certainly worries about where our future is going to be, what’s next for us, how do we make sure that our family is safe?” she shared. While she has experienced online hatred and even death threats, she said:

The conversations that are the most difficult are with my kids around the dinner table, when they are worrying about me and what our future is. And for a parent, that’s brutal to see your kids worrying about you because it should be the other way around. I wish I could be there for them. And I am trying to be as best I possibly can to reassure them, to let them know that they are loved and we are going to be OK. But that’s a conversation we shouldn’t have to be having.

Per the new policy that forbids trans people from serving, transgender service members must “voluntarily” separate or they will be involuntarily separated, with lesser benefits. But as Task & Purpose notes, it is now unclear whether any of the separated troops will be given honorable discharges. Any other type of discharge, however, could be “a black mark for troops in the job market, as it could prevent them from getting or maintaining security clearances that are required for certain jobs.” Again, that will impact whole families as well as individuals.

There are many other transgender parents in the military, as I’ve noted before, and many children who will be negatively impacted by their parents’ loss of employment from this cruel, unjustified, and short-sighted policy. They will lose not only the parent’s salary, but also medical care and additional benefits like those from the G.I. Bill, which can be used by family members to fund an education or job training. There may also be other trans troops who were planning to start families, but must now put those plans on hold while they seek employment and health care benefits outside of the military.

Additionally, children will see a parent being stigmatized for who they are and for living their truth. The executive order behind this policy says trans people are inherently untruthful and dishonorable. What message does that send to their children, especially older ones who are more aware of the “reasons” (I use the term loosely) behind the policy?

I encourage you to visit Fram’s Instagram page, where she has most prominently featured not herself, but the many other transgender troops in our armed forces. They form an honor roll of awards, achievements, and dedication—and anyone who thinks that their departure won’t harm our military readiness is fooling themselves.

I’ll leave you with words Fram wrote in another post:

None of us were trained to surrender. We were trained to seize the initiative and carry the day.

So, we’ll trade these boots for the shoes needed to walk a different battlefield.

The fight ahead is for a better tomorrow. For those still serving. For those who dream of serving. For a nation that lives up to its highest ideals. The mission continues. The work remains. And so do we.