This volume is part of the lauded A Kids Book About (AKBA) collection (one of Oprah’s Favorite Things 2020), which began with A Kids Book About Racism and now has books on subjects like belonging, feminism, gratitude, cancer, and other sometimes challenging topics. Like the rest of the AKBA collection, A Kids Book About Chosen Family has no pictures, instead employing bright colors and a variety of fonts to make the words themselves the visual part of the story. It is also designed to be read by a child and adult together, with room for discussion.
As with the other AKBA books, this one reads like a conversation with the author. Author Madi Bourdon explains that the term “chosen family” is “pretty literal,” or “exactly what it seems like it means.” It’s “a family that you choose.”
At the same time, they say, “chosen family” can be hard to define because chosen families are different for everyone. Some people may seek and find chosen family when their given family doesn’t understand or accept them for who they are; others may need support that their given family can’t provide. All chosen families are unique, and can include people like neighbors, friends, a friend’s family, teammates, counselors, or coaches.
Bourdon emphasizes that chosen families aren’t only needed when a biological family is unsupportive, but can simply offer a different type of support. Not everyone has or needs a chosen family, either. Ultimately, though, a family should “allow you the freedom to be your truest self.” The next ten pages each offer questions such as “Who makes you feel the most comfortable in your skin?” “Who advocates for your needs?” and “Who can you tell your secrets to?” Whether chosen or given, these people are family “in the ways that matter.”
My only qualm is when the book states, “A biological family is the one you are born into. In other words, it’s your given family.” I would argue, however, that children created via donor conception (sperm, egg, both, or embryo) are not biologically connected to one or both parents in the family where they are born and raised, but who are very much their “given family.” Additionally, children adopted at or close to birth (or perhaps even later) might feel that the family in which they grew up is their “given family,” which differs from their biological family. I do agree, though, that both biological and given families can differ from chosen families.
The book explains the important concept of chosen families in an affirming and supportive way, and offers readers useful questions to consider. It unfortunately conflates biological and given families, but may still open the door for further conversations about the many types of families that exist today.
