When bias and hate seem overwhelming, it’s important to remember that everyone has value and deserves to live safely and authentically. Written by U.S. Army Intelligence officer, entrepreneur, and Forbes “30 Under 30” honoree Brian Femminella, this book offers inspiration and affirmation for queer youth who may be facing challenges that could negatively impact their mental health.
Part of the lauded A Kids Book About (AKBA) collection (one of Oprah’s Favorite Things 2020), which began with A Kids Book About Racism and now has books on subjects like belonging, feminism, gratitude, cancer, and other sometimes challenging topics. Like the rest of the AKBA collection, A Kids Book About Queer Mental Health has no pictures, instead employing bright colors and a variety of fonts to make the words themselves the visual part of the story. It is also designed to be read by a child and adult together, with room for discussion.
As with the other AKBA books, this one reads more like a conversation with the author. Femminella introduces himself as a skydiver, soldier, and queer, and says that he’s proud to be part of the LGBTQ+ community—but that it hasn’t always been easy to be himself. He then explains what “homophobia” is: “the hate people give to queer people for who they love.” Homophobia, he says, is always wrong. As a kid, he shares, he was ostracized and “attacked physically, mentally, and verbally.” People didn’t believe that this was happening, and he had no support at school. He felt “worthless,” and this affected his mental health.
“We live in a time where our differences make us targets instead of a reason to celebrate,” he asserts, and this can lead to people feeling unsafe even in their own communities. People may feel the need to “zip up our pride” in order to protect themselves.
Femminella then says, we should feel free “To be our true selves no matter what everyone else says.” This can mean wearing what you feel like; not masking your voice; or even choosing a pink backpack or dying one’s hair purple (“with a grownup’s help”). People will still judge, he says, “But just being you, as wild as it sounds, is an act of… Resistance.”
He assures readers that family can be chosen; that everyone’s queer journey is unique, that they belong to a worldwide queer community, and that they should “Never sacrifice your happiness to please someone else’s ignorance.”
These are all important, affirming suggestions, and will undoubtedly have a positive impact on many young readers. Nevertheless, the book does not really explain how to find the courage to be oneself in the face of opposition; it just tells readers that they should. (Specific suggestions like finding queer youth groups, help lines, or local allies might have been useful.) And nowhere does it tell them what to do if they feel that visibly expressing themselves will endanger their physical safety.
More critically, nowhere (not even in the backmatter) does the book offer any suggestions for seeking outside help with mental health challenges. For some people, reading the words of a strong queer mentor like Femminella may be enough to assuage their feelings of worthlessness; for others, mental health challenges may necessitate professional assistance. Even a short list of resources at the end would have been useful.
This book is a helpful, positive one, and I appreciate its message of self-confidence and self-worth. My criticisms are meant only to outline some of its limitations and to offer some suggestions for the adults who (as the publisher recommends) are reading it together with young people in their lives.
