In 1975, when she was 24, author Laura Hall’s father came out to her. He and her mother had been married for over 30 years, and Laura had never suspected her father’s secret. Her mother, however, had known for 18 years, yet the two of them remained married until her death, a total of 64 years. Hall shows how her parents built a life together and raised four children, despite her father’s relationships with men, and what the impact of this double life was on all members of her family, especially on her as one of the few who knew his secret.
She paints detailed and loving portraits of her dad, who loved fashion and design, and her mom, the caring organizer of family celebrations, as she shares her family history and her own stumbling through a teen pregnancy and several marriages. She also weaves in parts of the story that she only learned much later, such as her dad’s initial coming out to his own mother in 1937, when he thought being gay was an “affliction,” and his early gay romance that was cut short by institutionalized homophobia, sending him back into the closet for most of his life.
After her mom’s death, when her dad was in his 80s, he was able to express himself more fully and openly as a gay man. Yet readers should not judge him harshly for staying with his wife, nor she for staying with him. It was their decision to make, which they did in large part to provide a loving home for their children at a time when being an openly gay parent could mean one was cut off from seeing one’s children. If there is anything to blame here, it is societal homophobia, which forced her dad into his double life. Hall explores the impact of these challenges (and others) on her family while also showing how they remained very much a family, imperfections and all.
Hall’s conversational tone and attention to the small details of home life as well as to larger issues and emotions make this a captivating and sympathetic family story. There are undoubtedly other families with queer parents who were out to their spouses but not to the outside world, but many such stories remain hidden. Thanks to Hall for sharing hers and reminding us not only of the long history of queer parents, but also of the many ways that queer parents and our children have existed and survived, by choice or circumstance.
