“Why did God make me a girl?” Grayson Lee White asked his mother at age 2, insisting, “I am supposed to be a boy.” In this middle-grade memoir, he takes us on his journey from then to the present, sharing the ways he firmly expressed his sense of gender, such as rejecting a Christmas gift of princess dresses; preferring boy’s clothes even as a toddler; playing make-believe as male characters; and getting his hair cut short with the support of his parents. (For his earliest memories, he notes that he doesn’t really remember back that far; he’s just heard the story many times.) He also tells of some of the challenges he encountered, such as not knowing whether to be in the boys’ or girls’ line in his first grade class, or having to deal with a neighbor who is steeped in gender stereotypes.
He started calling himself “Dotson,” a combination of “daughter” and “son,” since, as he told his mother, “I know I’m supposed to be your daughter, but I feel more like your son. I guess I’m your … Dot-son.” That name stuck until they learned the correct term, “transgender.”
Grayson is careful to convey that not every trans person has an identical experience—and that not every person assigned female at birth but who shuns dresses is trans. His conversational tone feels comfortable and honest, and he’s also delightfully funny at times, for example, remarking after rejecting the Christmas dresses, “Wow, I was one rude toddler.”
At age 7, he told his mother that “I don’t feel like a boy … I AM a boy.” With his parents’ support, he chose a new name and began using he/him pronouns. His identical twin sister and younger sister were equally supportive.
He shares how he came out to his class, ran into obstacles over which bathroom to use, legally changed his name, and began seeing an endocrinologist at seven, not to start puberty blockers, but to begin the careful preliminary monitoring that could someday lead to that. (The sense of a lengthy process is important because of the many accusations that such gender-affirming care is initiated too quickly.) As he got older, he also came out to new friends (with varied reactions), and started having to deal with sometimes intrusive questions.
At age 12, he got his first puberty blocking shot, which he was excited about despite his fear of needles. The story ends (for now) with Grayson at age 13, thriving and happy, a young man who plays video games, rides his bike, and likes snowboarding, though he admits to sometimes being socially awkward. And although his supportive family and friends have clearly made his journey easier, he’s also upfront about the questions, concerns, and worries he’s had—and some still has about his future. Still, he says that he’s going to focus on the great things in his life, not his fears. All of the challenges have been worth it in order to be himself.
Context and Audience
There are now several picture books about being transgender that have been written by transgender youth themselves (sometimes in partnership with a parent or other writer), including I Am Jazz; I’m Not a Girl; My Rainbow; It’s Okay To Sparkle; and A Kids Book About Being Transgender. Besides, Dotson, however, I know of no full-length work by a trans youth about middle-grade trans youth (though the anthology Growing Up Trans: In Our Own Words, which has two adult editors but youth contributors, is excellent).
Greyson, who says in an author’s note that he has always wanted to be a writer, is up to the task of the longer middle-grade format. At over 120 lightly illustrated pages, plus backmatter, Dotson allows a deeper exploration of topics than picture books and touches on things that the slightly older audience may have curiosity or questions about, such as puberty blockers. There’s nothing in the book that feels inappropriate even for older elementary grade readers, though, especially if they’ve already read picture books about other transgender kids—in many ways, it’s the perfect next book. The illustrations (warmly done by Stephanie Roth Sisson) and short chapters skew it towards the early end of the middle-grade range in any case.
While the book came out last year in a version exclusive to Target, it is being rereleased for wider distribution by West Margin Press. I hope that helps it get into the hands of the many kids and their adults, other family members, and friends who will benefit from reading it. Through a trans youth’s own words, it shows us how trans youth can thrive when given the support they need.
Part of me wants to airdrop copies of the book across Florida, Tennessee, Texas, and other states where trans youth are under attack. Barring that, I will urge you to get copies for any young people you know who might appreciate it and to encourage your local libraries to stock it.
