A wealth of advice from affirming parents and professionals.
Editor Brynn Tannehill, a trans woman, has been writing about trans issues and listening to the experiences of parents of trans children for more than a decade. She knows the professionals and parents who have been pioneers in the movement to help trans youth. When one of her three children came out as trans, too, both she and her wife began noticing that the same questions were asked over and over in online groups for parents of trans kids. Tannehill also knew, from having interviewed trans adults, the positive difference it made when parents are affirming of their trans children, not rejecting. “All of this led me to conclude that a book with answers to ‘frequently asked questions by parents of trans youth,’ by parents of trans youth and the professionals who work with these kids on a daily basis, was a desperately needed resource.”
She has given us that resource here, bringing together 25 parents and experts (including doctors, psychologists, and social workers) to give their answers to frequently asked questions, “with experts’ answers first to give a theoretical basis, and then parents’ answers to help you put it into practice.” The contributors all share a commitment to affirming trans children, although their answers sometimes vary in the details—but families vary, too, so it’s good that readers have a variety of answers to consider. The parent contributors also aren’t afraid to share the mistakes they made along the way, which may reassure readers that it’s okay if they stumble, too.
Chapters and topics include Getting Started, Feelings as a Parent, Social Transition, Family Matters, Mental Health and Medical Care, Schools, and Culture and Religion. Each subject is explored with plenty of anecdotes from the parents as well as advice and suggestions from both parents and professionals. Questions include broad ones that almost any parent of a trans kid might ask, like “How can I tell if my child is really trans?” to more specific ones such as “My child is adopted and is scared he will be abandoned again now that he has come out as trans. How do I reassure him that he will always belong?” or ones about having a trans child in a culture or religion that may not be welcoming. There are also purely practical questions like “How do we legally change our child’s name? What does that entail?” It’s a wonderful mix, thoughtfully edited and informed by Tannehill’s combined perspective as a trans woman and the parent of a trans child.
As the cisgender parent of a cisgender child, I recognize my limits in assessing the usefulness of this book for parents of trans kids. Yet as a queer parent who has dealt with some overlapping issues, such as advocating for one’s child and family at school, I can see the benefit of advice like that of contributor and psychologist Amy Cannava, who says, “We must remember, though, that at the end of the day, it’s still your child and not you entering the building. There’s a fine line between advocating on behalf of your child and unintentionally making them a target.” That’s a level of nuance we don’t always see in books about LGBTQ kids or LGBTQ families. That same type of care throughout the volume makes me believe it will deservedly become a go-to reference for many parents of trans kids, and not only be helpful, but perhaps even lifesaving for their children.
