Translated from author Joana Estrela’s original Portuguese version by poet Jay Hulme, this simple poem asks readers to reflect on their gender and what it can mean. “‘Girl or boy?’ What brings you joy?” it begins, then asks readers to consider hairstyle, clothing, and activities before reassuring them, “You’ll find your own way.”
Many of the pages still unfortunately present possibilities in terms of gender dichotomies, e.g., “‘Girlfriend? Boyfriend?’ ‘Mom or dad?’ Only they can tell you that,” although the book also advises, “Boy or girl doesn’t cover everyone. You might be both … You might be none!” and stresses, “Your truth isn’t hidden underneath your clothes. Your truth is something only you can know.” In the end, though, it encourages readers not to be defined only by their gender and to follow their own way.
That’s a commendable goal; I just wish that in addition to the dichotomies above, the book included some actual words for people who don’t fit these binaries, e.g., nonbinary, birlfriend, maddy, etc. Telling people they don’t have to be a boy or a girl is all well and good; but some language to indicate what they could be might have been useful (although in no way comprehensive). If the grown-ups reading the book with children know enough to discuss some of the broader possibilities, though, this isn’t an insurmountable problem, and the book may even be a welcome aid to having such discussions.
Additionally, though, the page that declares “Your truth is something only you can know,” has an image of two bathrooms, one with a “boy” icon and one with a “girl” icon, and this feels somewhat odd. What if someone’s truth is neither of these two? This is not to deny that issues of bathroom access are a legitimate concern among many transgender and nonbinary people; just that showing only two options while talking about people’s truths, which may not equate with these two, doesn’t quite work. I also suspect that some trans and nonbinary people may be tired of always being associated with bathrooms and would prefer a different image.
Estrela’s bright illustrations are simple and cheery, however, and the book’s heart is in the right place. Some may find it is a good introduction to the topic of expansive genders.
