Author Molly Wizenberg had been married to her husband Brandon for almost 10 years and they were raising a toddler. At age 36, however, she found herself suddenly drawn to a woman. In this memoir of growth and change, Wizenberg shares not only the story of her coming out, but also a look at the larger scope of her life and growth as a person, a woman, a partner, and a mother.
She tells us of her first feelings of attraction to a woman; the testing of this attraction via an agreed-upon open marriage; and the dissolution of the marriage, not just from her new relationship, but from issues long simmering. We see her and her husband work to hash out an amicable divorce and learn to co-parent, even as Wizenberg starts a new relationship with a nonbinary partner.
Wizenberg, who had already written two memoirs about her life before coming out, is a skillful narrator of her story, looking not only at the “present” of her coming out, but also at the past of her marriage and earlier life. She weaves in insights from the wide range of writers and thinkers whom she has read—on relationships, parenting, and life—and holds it all together with apt metaphors about how we perceive the stars.
Notably, Wizenberg explores whether all queer people are indeed “born that way” and may just need different lengths of time to realize their queer identities, or if for some, sexuality can fluctuate. She seems drawn to the latter idea to explain her own experience, although she’s not rejecting the idea that others are “born that way.” It’s a point worth pondering.
Wizenberg’s story is compelling in itself, but equally engaging is how she invites readers to reflect on their own lives and relationships as well, making this a highly recommended read.
