The two main characters of this book, Ellie, a young Black child, and Casey, an older White one, talk directly to readers to teach them about pronouns and gender, offering examples from other characters along the way. The book’s conversational tone is engaging and warm, with helpful example dialogs, but some of its explanations could be clearer.
Ellie and Casey begin by defining pronouns as “words we use in sentences to refer to the person who is talking, or to someone or something that is being talked about.” While that’s true, it’s not sufficient, as that could also apply to nouns. We’re missing the key point that pronouns substitute for a noun. Still, Ellie and Casey offer some useful examples of how pronouns work (along with relevant illustrations), such as “Her hair is purple” or “That flag belongs to him.”
They tell us that “You are assigned ‘female’ or ‘male’ at birth based on your biological sex,” which [at least initially] determines the pronouns people use for them. This is an oversimplified use of the term “biological sex,” however, which makes it seem like a binary option. Many people (including trans people I know) do not like the term “biological sex” for just that reason. It “doesn’t fully capture the complex biological, anatomical, and chromosomal variations that can occur,” as Planned Parenthood notes. It might have been better, therefore, to have said something like, “You are assigned ‘female’ or ‘male’ at birth based on a number of observations about the inside and outside of your body.” (I’m avoiding terms like “hormones” and “chromosomes” which would require too much explanation for the level and focus of the book.)
Casey and Ellie move on to explain that gender identity is “the gender we know ourselves to be.” For cisgender people, this matches their assigned sex. For transgender people, it doesn’t. We see people with a variety of gender identities (and other intersectional identities), introducing themselves and their pronouns to readers. We also learn that some people identify as nonbinary and often use they/them pronouns. There are several examples of usage, such as “They are my dad,” and “The dress belongs to them.” We meet more characters, with various gender expressions, introducing themselves and their pronouns.
We then read that people may also be intersex, born “with a body type that does not fit typical definitions of male and female.” Intersex people, the book tells us, may want to use use pronouns other than he/him or she/her, such as they/them or a “neo-pronoun” such as ze/zir/zirs.
The order of all this information is somewhat confusing, placing the definition of non-binary with the explanation of they/them, followed by the definition of intersex with the explanation of neo-pronouns. It would probably have been clearer to define all of the gender identities first, followed by an explanation of all the various pronouns (though the book does note that anyone can use any of these pronouns).
Nevertheless, the book is reassuring, telling readers it’s okay to try different pronouns or to change them. This can be scary, but “those who matter most will love and support you all the same.” If only that were always true! The characters then offer advice about using pronouns respectfully, what to do if you use the wrong ones, and how to ask about someone’s pronouns. The next few pages show characters engaged in short dialogs to demonstrate this. The book concludes with the inspiring message that “pronouns are only limited by our imagination.”
Back matter includes a chart of pronouns and neo-pronouns; a glossary of gender identities; and sample letters that parents can use to inform schools and friends about their child’s pronouns.
