Edited by Rachel Epstein, head of the LGBTQ Parenting Network at Sherbourne Health Centre in Toronto, this collection of nearly 40 essays from LGBTQ parents and their adult children across every letter of the spectrum offers a thoughtful and varied look at queer families.
The authors, mostly Canadian, offer personal, historical, and political insights and raise tough questions about parenting, gender, and society. There are single parents, butch moms, a teenaged parent, an infertile mom, a mother parenting through open adoption, and one in a polyamorous relationship. There are transgender men who became parents both before and after transitioning, several through pregnancy. There is a gay man who writes of co-parenting with a lesbian couple, and a lesbian mom who writes of co-parenting with a gay donor, his partner, and her own ex-partner. One essay interviews a single bisexual woman and two opposite-sex bisexual couples who discuss whether to disclose their invisible orientation while applying to be foster parents. Several of the writers examine how race and ethnicity are woven into other queer parenting issues.
A number of essays are by straight, lesbian, and transgender adult children of LGBTQ parents. Another shares the voices of teens and tweens of LGBTQ parents, who discuss the issues they face at school related to their parents. One takes a hard look at LGBTQ-inclusive children’s literature, noting how much seems written mostly to convince a straight, homophobic audience that “We’re normal, too.”
The authors ask tough questions: How does what we say about the limited importance of biological connections compare to what we actually do? What sort of masculine values does a butch mother convey to her son? Is it possible to “parent queerly” or is parenting itself a normalizing endeavor? How can we make space in the queer parenting community for those who want to incorporate elements of traditional parenting?
No one book can capture the entire diversity of LGBTQ parenting. Who’s Your Daddy? still leans a little heavily on the voices of women. Nevertheless, it reveals many more facets of LGBTQ parenting than most works on the subject, deftly offering both personal and political insights. It is a rich and rewarding volume that every LGBTQ parent and prospective parent should read.
