With the clarity of their earlier Being You: A First Conversation About Gender, the creative team here tackles the sensitive but important topic of consent, showing children how to ask for permission and be asked for permission about anything involving bodies. With an upbeat tone, a kids’-eye perspective, and colorful images, this book distills the idea of consent into simple phrases and easily understood concepts. Adults, too, should value the lessons and the language offered here.
“This is my body. It belongs to me,” the book begins, as we see images of children with a variety of skin tones and hair colors. The first-person perspective feels empowering. There is no single narrator, though; the “I” could be any one of the children as they then tell us, “I am learning all the names of my body parts.” The children, in separate bubbles on the page, show their parts, from elbows and belly button to vulva and penis—while there is nudity, it does not feel prurient.
At least two of the children, including the one with the penis, seem gender ambiguous, and could be read as any one of several genders. (While that is far from certain, I am tagging this book as “Nonbinary/genderqueer kid” so that potential readers can find it and evaluate it for themselves.) One child uses a wheelchair. Another is cycling with two women who seem like her moms. (I am choosing to read it this way, though one could be an aunt or a family friend).
“I am the boss of my body,” one child asserts, but also notes that sometimes it doesn’t feel that way—we see her father scrubbing paint out of her hair in the bathtub. Another explains that “My grown-ups make some choices for me” in order to keep her safe, as an adult puts a bicycle helmet on her. The girl tells us she feels better, however, when the grown-up asks first or explains why.
After this relatable exchange, the text shifts to addressing the reader and explaining that everyone is different and likes different things. Some people like hugs; others not. In order to know, we must ask for consent. The book pares the idea down to its core: “Yes” means you have their consent; “no” means you don’t and should stop right away. Importantly, we also learn there are other ways to say “no,” including “maybe,” “I don’t know,” or just silence. And while a “no” may at times hurt someone’s feelings, that’s okay, since what everyone wants for their own body matters. Changing one’s mind is fine, too. Notably, on the two spreads in which the children demonstrate saying “yes” and “no,” one child is doing so in American Sign Language (ASL).
In addition to all of this information are questions to the reader, such as, “Do you ever like hugs? When?” and “Would you practice saying ‘No’ with me?” The book cleverly ends with the question, “Would you like to read this book again?” offering readers (and their grown-ups) a chance to demonstrate the principles they have just learned.
Two pages at the end offer more detailed information for adults on bodily autonomy, power and adultism, boundaries, and more. This is indeed a good first conversation—but will hopefully lead to many more. Talking about consent should be an ongoing process as our children grow.
Available as both a board book and a regular hardcover; make sure to select the one you want if you click through to purchase.
