First published in 1983, A Secret I Can’t Tell was a groundbreaking, normalizing look at five families with gay or lesbian parents. Now, 40 years later, it is being republished with updates on four of the families from their children.
In 1977, a Florida county passed an ordinance banning discrimination in housing, employment, and public accommodation based on sexual orientation. In response, actor Anita Bryant’s successful “Save Our Children” campaign played up spurious fears that gay men and lesbians were dangerous to children, causing the ordinance to be overturned and launching a wave of repeals of gay and lesbian civil rights laws in other states.
Author Joe Gantz decided to counter the hateful rhetoric by embedding for a week with each of five same-sex headed households in different parts of the country. From 1979 to 1983, he conducted interviews of the parents and their children about the effects of the fear-mongering and anti-gay actions. This book was the result of those conversations.
The original edition has long offered a fascinating slice of queer parenting history—but this new edition allows for a longer view, showing us both what has changed for the better in the past four decades and what remains to be overcome. In it, the children, now grown, reflect on the impact of growing up under the shadow of stigma and secrecy, and on how things have changed (or not) for their own children and their peers.
As we face a surge in right-wing anti-LGBTQ attacks today, the book reminds us of the negative impact of those attacks on children in queer families, but also reminds us that openly gay and lesbian parents and our children have long existed with determination, resilience, and love.
