When Wisconsin writer Andrew Patrie and his wife had their first child, they thought they were raising a boy. They were wrong; their child was actually a transgender girl, who wanted to be known as Simone. In this beautifully written memoir, Patrie tells the story of their family’s journey to understand and support Simone, from the first time she tried dressing as a girl at age five, through age 13, after she had legally changed her name and begun consultations about gender-affirming care at the University of Wisconsin’s Pediatric and Adolescent Transgender Health (PATH) Clinic.
Patrie is open about his hesitations and fears, his concerns for his daughter’s safety in a world that isn’t understanding, and how he moved from grief over losing a son to loving the young woman that Simone was blossoming into. While his experiences echo those of many other parents of trans youth in many respects, it is notable for being a rare memoir by a father of such a journey; most are by mothers, and it is refreshing to see a paternal perspective here, particularly because his child is a trans girl, moving away from a gender that he thought they shared.
Readers should note that Patrie does use Simone’s deadname in the parts of the book that cover the time before she used “Simone,” but does so with her permission. Patrie explained in an interview with Wisconsin Public Radio that he used her earlier name “so the reader has to adjust to the change in a similar way that her friends and family did.” Simone, who is 18 as of the book’s publication, told WPR in the same interview that while she had to adjust to the idea, “I thought more about it as kind of a reclaiming—I think I’m most excited for that piece of my life to be shared.” Simone also wrote the forward to the book, where she says that reliving her earlier life “has helped me find closure, acceptance, and a deeper understanding of who I am today.”
Patrie is a writer by profession, and it shows in the engaging, moving, and well-paced narrative. Simone says in her forward that she hopes the book “reminds you that you are not alone, and that everyone deserves acceptance and love.” This recommended memoir should do just that.
