This middle-grade picture book follows a tween who was assigned female at birth but is gradually coming to realize he is really a boy. The story begins as he looks out the window at the stars and reflects back on his early years, happy with his parents and siblings. Lately, though, he seems to have lost the joy of that time, and feels as if a shadow is hanging over him.
Puberty makes things worse. He wears baggy clothes “when my breasts started to develop,” and asks his dad to repaint his room in dark colors. He cuts his hair short, but doesn’t like that people still see him as a girl. He’s scared to tell people who he really is. Will his parents be mad? Will his brother and two sisters be ashamed? Will he lose his friends?
His therapist suggests that if it’s too hard to speak, that he find some other way to communicate his message. He decides to write his mother a letter saying that he feels like a boy inside, but is also “still the same person I’ve always been.” His mother’s immediate reaction is to hug him; she has nothing but unconditional love.
He then makes a drawing of himself—his boy self—with his family, to replace older family photos that show him as a girl. He shows his father and siblings. His father kisses him and his little brother is excited to now have two older brothers.
He’s nervous to tell his teacher and classmates, but when he does so in front of the class and tells them he wants to be called Alex, “everything went okay.” A couple of people slip up and call him by his girl name, but then apologize.
The story concludes as he again looks out his window, now reflecting on the love and support he’s gotten from his family. His mother, who says she’ll always love him, stands with her arm around him as they watch the stars together.
I love the unquestioning support that this story shows from everyone around Alex. Unrealistic? Perhaps, unfortunately. But not every story about trans youth has to involve disbelief and rejection. Alex’s concerns about how people may react to his true gender hint at some of the biases trans youth may face; the story isn’t denying that. But it shows both youth and their adults the power of support and love. (And yes, there should also be stories that help trans youth navigate rejection, but not every story needs to do so.)
My only concern is the spread which shows Alex telling his class about his new identity. On the chalkboard, we see him writing “Assigned at birth.” He’s clearly teaching them about gender versus sex. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but adult readers should note that trans youth shouldn’t always have the burden of explaining all that to everyone around them. If they want to, fine, but otherwise, it should be up to the supportive adults around them to teach people what they need to know. As Vanessa Ford and Rebecca Kling write in their excellent The Advocate Educator’s Handbook:
Proactively educating school staff is particularly important because, right now, many educators only think about the needs of trans and non-binary students when faced with the first out trans or non-binary student in their class. This often results in an unfair expectation that those trans students take the lead on educating not only their classmates but their teachers as well. While teachers are always learning from their students, those students should not be expected or relied upon to teach adults about the needs of specific student populations.
As one student who was asked to teach the class about trans identities shared, “One, it isn’t my job because I’m your student. Secondly, it’s not my job because my life isn’t educating everyone on being transgender.”
I would have preferred that the book simply show Alex writing his name and pronouns on the chalkboard, rather than educating the class on trans identities in general. Alternatively, author Isabelle Jameson could have had Alex indicate that this education was something he personally wanted to do; then, there could have been an afterward noting that not all trans youth may feel the same—but that feels more complicated and wordy.
Overall, though, this is a positive story with an important message about familial, school, and peer support. The illustrations by Sylvain Cabot, in soft purples, oranges, and blues, add to the warm feeling of the tale. Yes, this is a picture book, although Alex’s age and the mention of puberty changes mark it as a middle grade title. (Adults can decide if Finding My Spark feels right for their younger children; I’d recommend starting with Calvin and Born Ready: The True Story of a Boy Named Penelope instead, if only because the protagonists are younger and more likely to resonate with younger readers.)
Alex and his family are White.
Translated from the French (Dans la nuit, tu te dévoiles) by Ann Marie Boulanger.
