Content warning: Physical and emotional abuse and self harm.
Powerful and poignant, this novel in verse follows J—, a nonbinary girl (she/they), from fifth through seventh grade, as she seeks to understand herself, her ADHD diagnosis, and her relationships with parents and classmates.
J—’s Russian Jewish immigrant parents don’t understand her gender or what it means to have ADHD. Her mother says J—’s ADHD makes her bad, and both her parents hit her to try and make her behave. J— takes refuge in the computer game Coaster Boss, a roller-coaster simulation, using it to help better understand and work out her feelings about herself and the world. She feels in control of the game’s denizens and enjoys finding and building around the “glitches,” the things that weren’t meant to happen but that aren’t necessarily bad, as some people think.
Through J—’s first-person narrative, we see them trying desperately to be good, but to struggle in a world that has little room for or understanding of neurodivergence or even imagination. When they draw a roller coaster as her self-portrait for a class assignment, for example (which readers will understand as a metaphor for themself), the teacher laughs at them and sends them to the principal after they call him an idiot.
When J— meets classmate Junie, who isn’t as quick as others to view J— as a “bad” person, a budding friendship turns into a crush on J’s part. The crush, which borders on obsession, isn’t reciprocated, however. J— is oblivious to this at first, and becomes jealous of the friendship that Junie has with Garrison, a boy in their class. By seventh grade, however, J is becoming more comfortable with themself, a result of their own efforts and a new friendship with a nonbinary peer in her fencing class. J—’s parents, too, have taken some initial steps towards understanding.
This is a difficult story, full of trauma and its effects, but feels important in its raw look at life through the eyes of one trans, neurodivergent tween finding a path to growth and healing with the help of a computer game. While not every trans or neurodivergent youth’s story is one of trauma and abuse, some are, and this book may help them feel seen and offer hope for similar change. (Schools and libraries, however, should make sure it isn’t the only story about either identity on their shelves.)
For those who will be healed and not further traumatized by the topics it tackles, this is a recommended title. I leave the judgment of that up to prospective readers and the adults who care for them.
Author Rainie Oet says in an Author’s Note that the book is “a made-up story inspired by my own life,” and includes interviews with the real Junie and Garrison who inspired the fictional ones.
J— and her family are White.
