Aimed at ages 5 to 8, this book offers a look at how babies are made, inclusive of same-sex couples and those using assisted reproduction. Although it uses gender-neutral language to refer to pregnant people, however, it only shows images of pregnant people who read as female. It also never distinguishes between sex and gender and thus offers a confusing explanation of what it means to be transgender.
The book explains that at birth, “most babies are either called boys or girls based on what their bodies look like,” with those having a penis and testicles being called boys, and those with a vulva being called girls. It’s good that it says ‘most’ and not ‘all,’ but any further details on that point are held until later.
There are many ways to make a baby, we read, and one way is for one grown-up with a penis and one with a vagina to have sex. Neither is gendered here. The book explains that they “kiss and cuddle” until the penis becomes hard, then put the penis into the vagina. All true, though I would have liked some acknowledgment that the kissing and cuddling also make the vaginal walls slippery—helping both people to be ready. I do like that it notes grown-ups can have sex “in lots of different ways to show how much they care about each other” even when not trying to make a baby.
People sometimes can’t or don’t want to have sex to make a baby, we learn, including when sperm or eggs aren’t working properly or when a person or couple lacks one of those components. In these cases, “scientists can help” by putting sperm directly into a womb, and the sperm can come either from a parent-to-be or someone else who wants to help. “Scientists” can also combine eggs and sperm in a lab before putting them into a womb, and a surrogate can grow a baby in their womb for someone else. Additionally, when “a baby can’t be looked after by their birth family,” it is adopted by a new family, and that this may happen either when children are babies or when they are older. All good and inclusive—though the choice of the word “scientist” is odd; “doctor” would have been better. (I speak from personal experience; my spouse and I went to a doctor, not a scientist.)
Several pages then discuss the growth of the embryo in the womb, what it means to be twins, and what happens when a baby is ready to be born. We see both a vaginal birth and a C-section (called a “special operation”), as well as hospital births and a home birth. Non-gendered language (“the person growing the baby”) is used throughout.
A spread at the end covering “Some extra questions you might have,” also notes that sometimes a baby will stop growing in the womb and will die, and this is sad for everyone in the family. It also discusses what happens when a baby is born too soon and needs an incubator. These are thoughtful touches for families experiencing those things.
Although sperm, egg, and a womb are required for any baby, “every family starts in its own special way,” the book concludes. The warmly toned images show people of various skin tones, ethnicities, and physical abilities; many same-sex couples are among them. So far so good.
Parts of the “extra questions” spread at the end, however, are problematic. One section addresses “What is a person’s sex?” It notes that some babies’ bodies are “a bit like a boy and a bit like a girl,” and the word for this is “intersex.” That’s fine, if not too detailed. It then tries to explain transgender identities, but doesn’t quite nail it. First, we learn that “Babies who have penises are called boys (males). Babies who have vulvas are called girls (females). This is called their biological sex.” True, sometimes that’s the term used—but some transgender people I know avoid the term “biological sex.” As Planned Parenthood notes, “This term doesn’t fully capture the complex biological, anatomical, and chromosomal variations that can occur. Having only two options (biological male or biological female) might not describe what’s going on inside a person’s body.”
Then the book tells us, “Some people grow up feeling that the biological sex they were given at birth is not their true sex, or that they don’t belong to either sex.” This completely misses the distinction between sex and gender. Let’s review, again from Planned Parenthood: “Sex is a label—male or female—that you’re assigned by a doctor at birth based on the genitals you’re born with and the chromosomes you have…. Gender is much more complex: It’s a social and legal status, and set of expectations from society, about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts…. This is also generally male or female. But instead of being about body parts, it’s more about how you’re expected to act, because of your sex. Gender identity is how you feel inside and how you express your gender through clothing, behavior, and personal appearance.”
The book also notes that some people “choose to make changes as they get older to help the way they look on the outside match up with the way they feel on the inside,” which isn’t wrong, but leaves out changes that don’t have to do with looks, like names and pronouns. Additionally, despite trying to define it, the book never uses the term “transgender,” though it does use “intersex.” And despite the non-gendered language, all of the images of pregnant people read as female.
In sum, this book is inclusive of same-sex families and a variety of ways of making babies, including by assisted reproduction. That’s all commendable, and a step ahead of the baby making books I grew up with. It also uses non-gendered language to refer to pregnant people, but the images don’t support this inclusion. It also falls short with a clumsy definition of being transgender, a term it never even uses.
Thanks to Seth Day of Rad Child Podcast for sharing some thoughts on this book with me. All opinions and errors remain my own.
