A thoughtful guide by a queer therapist aimed at supporting parents who in turn want to better understand and support their LGBTQIA+ kids.
Sovec, who specializes in working with LGBTQIA+ youth and their families during the coming out process, brings both his lived experience and professional training to bear in creating a book that is both “an informational guide and a catalyst for self-reflection.” He assumes no previous knowledge about LGBTQIA+ identities on the part of readers, but assumes that if they are reading this book, they are willing to learn. “Commit to kindness” he advises, while also offering specific information as well as suggested conversational techniques and approaches.
Importantly, too, Sovac acknowledges that parents also go through a process when their kids come out. “You have to let go of your pre-existing notions of who you though they were, who you expected they would become, and the life you expected they would live,” he says. Each chapter thus ends with “Questions for contemplation,” such as “What are your biggest fears when it comes to being able to support your LGBTQIA+ child?”; “How do you [the parent] express your gender identity each day?”; and “How will you respond to negative comments about your kid and the wider LGBTQIA+ community?”
Chapters cover LGBTQIA+ terminology, the coming out process, strategies for communicating with your LGBTQIA+ child(ren), talking to them about sex and relationships, the parents’ own process of coming out as parent of an LGBTQIA+ child, topics specific to parents of trans youth, and more. The book also looks at identities not always covered in older books for parents of queer kids, including pansexuality and asexuality. There is information here, too, about discussing sex and sexuality (difficult for any parent, but with particular challenges for many parents of LGBTQ youth); about dealing with societal ignorance and bias; about becoming an advocate (and when that might be too soon).
The book would be valuable simply for the information it offers parents of LGBTQIA+ kids—but it goes above and beyond by really helping parents self-reflect—about their own experiences and assumptions, about their expectations for their child, about how they move in the world, and more. “Just as the coming-out process can take time, the journey of learning about your kid’s LGBTQIA+ experience is also a journey that takes time, effort, and patience,” Sovec notes. Luckily, he’s given parents a thoughtful and helpful travel guide.
