Author Rebecca Minor, MSW, LICSW, is an internationally recognized gender specialist, clinician, and educator with over 10,000 hours of experience supporting trans and gender expansive youth and their families. In this affirming, evidence-based, and practical guide, she offers clear and compassionate information to questions that parents (and other supporters) of trans children may have—and even to some they may not have thought to ask.
Minor writes at the beginning of the book, “Too often, it seemed like the advice out there [for parents of trans kids] fell into two extremes: either demanding unwavering support without acknowledging the complex emotions involved or dismissing concerns as bigotry in a way that left many feeling unheard and unsupported.” She sees “a vast, nuanced space” between these extremes, and assures readers, “Your doubts, fears, and questions are welcome here…. It’s important to recognize that loving your child and being apprehensive about their journey are not mutually exclusive. You can harbor fears while still showing up as an active ally for your child.”
The book begins with a non-judgmental self-assessment that readers can use to gauge their current familiarity and comfort with topics about their child’s gender identity. The first major part of the book then looks at general topics about gender and identity, including what the gender binary is, whether kids are too young to know their gender, and whether trans identity is anti-feminist.
Part Two moves into questions of decision making and support, asking and answering questions like: “What If They’re Wrong and Change Their Mind?”; “If they are Neurodivergent, Can They Know?”; and “Am I Going to Lose My Child?”
Part Three covers well-being and safety, looking both at the risks of medical treatments like puberty blockers and hormones and at the hardships and at the dangers of living in a country that is becoming increasingly hostile to trans people. One chapter asks, “Will They Ever Find Love?” (Answer, in brief: “Transition does not limit the ability to find or sustain a fulfilling intimate partnership.”)
Part Four widens the scope to questions parents may have about how other family and friends may react to knowing they have a trans child. It also looks at concerns they may have such as whether they will need to rewrite their family history, and at whether having a trans child means the family will lack grandchildren. (Answer: Not necessarily; lots of trans people have children.)
The final section explores how parents of children can move from supporting their own trans child to making a broader impact for trans children and youth.
Minor draws from a range of medical and social science research, as well as from her own experiences working with trans youth and their families, to offer information, support, and actionable advice. Throughout, we also hear from parents of trans children and from the children themselves, who share their stories in sections within each chapter. Each chapter ends with Minor inviting readers to embrace an “empowering belief” about the topic at hand (such as, “Whether or not this was a surprise, I can learn, shift my perspective, and support my child’s identity”), with a summary of key points, and with questions for reflection.
I am neither trans nor parent of a trans child myself, but this book aligns with what I have tried to learn from those who are, as it delves into a wide range of questions parents may have about emotional, social, medical, and other topics. Furthermore, it was endorsed by (among others) two trans rights advocates whom I greatly admire, Vanessa Ford and Debi Jackson, both parents of trans kids. All told, it’s a highly recommended resource for anyone with a trans child, as well as for extended family members, friends, and others wanting to support them.
