In this edition of our weekly video blog, brought to you in partnership with After Ellen, my partner Helen and I use Exes & Ohs insemination storyline as a jumping-off point to discuss similarities and differences between lesbian and straight parents. We also try to figure out which of us is the bio mom, debate the virtues of dumbing-down one’s résumé, and share some news about an upcoming movie restoration featuring lesbian moms from over two decades ago.
If the Veoh video above isn’t working (sometimes their server can be flaky), you can try it at Daily Motion, though the picture quality isn’t as good there.
I agree with you that’s important for your kids to have men in their lives, but why call this “male roll models”? It implies that you advocate a role that is specific to males.
I have to disagree. A male role model can be, for example, a traditionally “masculine” man, or an effeminate one, or anything in between. He can have any number of personalities, careers, and hobbies, whether traditionally “male” or “female.” The point is that my son, as a male (since there is no indication at this point that he is transgender), will look to other males to help him define himself (and hopefully look to some females, too–but there’s a certain sense of identity he will have with men, which is why they call it “gender identity”). I think it is up to us as parents to show him a range of models of what a man can be. There’s not “a role” that men can play in his life, but rather a number of them.
If he’s a man with a traditionally female personality, career and hobby, how is he a male role model? I think we should just expose our kids to lots of people we like of both sexes and varying gender expressions and not see any of them as role models more than any others. I don’t think we’re actually disagreeing except about the term “male role model.”
>> If he’s a man with a traditionally female personality, career and hobby, how is he a male role model?
Well, he’s showing that it’s possible to identify as male but have feminine traits. Even if our son doesn’t act as feminine as this hypothetical man, knowing him may help our son stretch the boundaries of what society is telling him a man should be.
But yes, maybe we’re arguing semantics here. I do, however, think there will be certain people (besides parents) our children will look up to more than others, call them what we will. So as you say, expose them to diversity, and see what resonates.