The legal recognition of same-sex relationships is only a few years old. Many same-sex couples who wed or have civil unions have been together far longer, married in spirit if not in law. This makes it more likely they already have children when they marry, and their ceremonies become celebrations of the entire family. For Bay Windows’ special “It Takes Two” wedding-planner issue, I wrote an article on Marrying with Kids, about ways to include young children in our weddings, civil unions, and other ceremonies. Since I’ve only been married once, I asked Gayle Smalley, the Justice of the Peace my partner and I used, to offer some insight from her years of experience.
In the spirit of extending the conversation, leave a comment if you included your children in your ceremony (marriage, civil union, or commitment) and want to share how.
Our little guy was a month shy of his 2nd birthday when we got married on our 12th anniversary. He spent his time spinning “wound ‘n wound,” falling over and getting into everything he could find. When it came time for vows he decided that pushing his way through my legs was a fun thing to do. Needless to say, concentrating on vows was a bit difficult. But we’re atheists, so the whole ceremony thing was a bit less important to us than the piece of paper and we’ll always remember it as a fun and joyous occasion filled with lots of little boy giggles.
We included our then 7-month son in our commitment/baby welcoming ceremony. My partner picked and chose from some vows she found on a lesbian-oriented website. The ceremony was fast, simple, and non-God oriented. My partner held our son in her arms for part of it, and then her sister took over as the official baby holder. He was pretty sleepy, so was almost dozing. We got many comments from people who attended that it was the most touching ceremony they had attended. We had a “legal” (then later overturned) ceremony when he was 1.5, but he was too squirmy to be held, so stayed with my partner’s sister again off to the side.