The third of my three key arguments for marriage equality is that it is better for our children. An estimated 4-14 million children are being raised in LGBT-headed households in the U. S. If there are two adults who wish to give a child a home, certainly it is better for both of the adults to have legal responsibility (assuming neither is unfit by the metrics that apply to anyone, LGBT or straight). Certainly it is better not to burden them with the extra economic hardships (PDF link) of an unmarried couple.
There’s more to the picture than just legal protection and money, however. The lack of marriage equality sends the message to these kids that their families are not as worthy of the same rights and privileges and others. What does that teach them about the values of the United States of America? No child deserves to be told that his or her parents can never be as good as others. That is the message they receive when they hear that one-mother-one-father is the “best” or “preferred” family configuration. To restrict the rights and benefits of adults is one thing. Not a good thing, but not nearly as bad as striking at a child’s sense of worth.
Prohibiting same-sex couples from adopting or fostering won’t make the problem go away. We will adopt children in the jurisdictions that allow it, bring them from previous, straight relationships, or conceive them through various means, natural and assisted. We will also move and travel, making a “leave it to the states” approach ultimately unworkable (though tactically this may be the best approach in the short term).
We need marriage equality, not only for LGBT adults, but also, and perhaps more importantly, for our children.
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